Category: sports

A kid is in court on the stand because his parents beat him. So the kid gose up and sits on the stand and the judge ask the kid if he wants to live with his mom he says, “no” and the judge replies, “and why not” the kid respondes, “because she beats me” and then the judge says, “oh then do you want to live with your dad?” and the kid replies again, “no” the jugde again asks why not and the kid says, ” because he beats me to” and the jugde says, “then who DO your want to live with?” and kid responds, “I wanna live with the Vikings they dont beat anybody”

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!” The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?” “It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose it!” “Whattaya mean,” scoffs the golfer, “you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?” “No problem,” says the salesman. “It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it.” “Well, what if you hit it into the woods?” “Easy,” says the salesman. “It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed.” “Okay,” says the golfer, impressed. “But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?” “No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I’m telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!” The golfer buys it at once. “Just one question,” he says to the salesman. “Where did you get it?” “I found it.”

A baseball player is sitting on the bench along with the coach. Suddenly,
the
coach starts saying, “Germany, Italy, Spain, Britain.” The guy looks at
him and
says, “Huh?” to which the coach replies… “Europe!”

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

The Lineup:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Dick
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry

THEY’RE OFF! Conscience is left behind at the gate. Jockey Shorts and Silk
Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate Lady is
caught by Thighs and Big Dick is in a dangerous spot!

AT THE HALF: It’s Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and
Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure
from Big Dick.

AT THE STRETCH: Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Dick is making a
final drive. Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.

AT THE FINISH: It’s Big Dick giving everything he’s got and Passionate Lady
takes everything Big Dick has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick
comes through with one final thrust and wins by a head. Bare Belly shows, Thighs
weakens, Heavy Bosom pulls up, And Clean Sheets never had a chance.

Rugby player: “Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the
mirror – I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?”
Doctor: “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they? George: Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime. The group was silent for a moment. Pastor: That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. Doctor: Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them. Engineer: Why can’t these guys play at night?

There were two men going rabbit hunting in the woods one day
when they came to a meadow.
The first hunter (Bob) decided he needed to go for a shit so he
pops behind a bush to do his business.
Meanwhile the other hunter (Harry) sat in front of the bush and
kept watch for rabbits.
After approximately 10 minutes Harry had shot a rabbit , skinned
it and thrown the guts behind him over the bush as a prank on
Bob.
After recieving only grunts from Bob , Harry waited a further 10
minutes for Bob , before he finally appeared saying, “Oh, I shat
my guts out mate!! But no worries , I shoved it back in with a
stick!!”

A foursome is waiting at the men’s tee when another foursome of ladies are
hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when
finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet,
goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting
and says apologetically, “I guess all those fucking lessons I took this
winter didn’t help”

One of the men immediately replies: “No, you see that’s your problem. You
should have been taking golf lessons instead.”

Why is Chicago called the Windy City?

Because the Bears blow!

A woman playing golf was stung by a bee. Afraid she’d have an allergic reaction, she ran back to the clubhouse to find the pro.

Finding him, she says breathlessly, “I’ve been stung by a bee! What shall I do?”

“Where were you stung?” the pro asks.

“Between the first and second hole!”

“Lady, we gotta work on your stance.”

A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she
goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his
tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, “Reebok.” She thinks
that is a bit odd and asks him about it.

Dennis says, “When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and
Reebok pays me for advertisement.” A bit later, his pants are off and she sees
“Puma” tattooed on his leg.

He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear
comes off and she sees the word “AIDS” tattooed on his penis. She jumps back
with shock.

“I’m not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!” exclaims the woman.

Dennis Rodman replies, “It’s cool baby. In a minute it’s going to say
‘ADIDAS.'”