Confucius say that baseball very funny game; man can walk on 4 balls.
Category: sports
Christmas On The Plains
CHRISTMAS ON THE PLAINS
(For any Auburn Fans, such as my poor misguided brother)
Twas a few weeks before Christmas, and all through the South,The Bama fans
were hiding and shutting their mouths.
Dubose was looking, but could find only a few,
For they knew it was time to face the big Orange and Blue.
The fans were all crying and begging for “Bear”,
The last place they wanted to be was Jordan-Hare.
They came into town with their hopes oh so high,
But Crimson couldn’t shine through that Orange and Blue sky.
They were all in the stadium yelling “Roll Tide!”,
And waving their pom-poms with that big Bama Pride.
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from their seats to see what was the matter.
Kitchens flanked to his right and rolled to his left,
And threw the ball to Scissum in spite of himself.
Scissum was hit by Houston, and the ball recovered by Reese,And then, there on
Bama faces was nothing but grief.
Holmes gave it a kick, and through the goal post it flew,And the field was
covered with all Orange and Blue.
We heard Holmes exclaim as the ball went out of sight,
WAR EAGLE TO ALL AND TO ALL A GREAT NIGHT!
Now, as we go to Atlanta, we’ll leave the TIDE some CHEER,We can forget “Punt
Bama Punt” this 25th year……….
For now we have a new phrase that will surely last,
WAR EAGLE TO ALL AND “Pass Bama Pass”!!!!!!!
Golfer’s Pants
Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
Sports Laws:
Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t be made worse by firing the coach.
The wrong pitcher is the one who’s in there now.
A free agent is a contradiction in terms.
Whoever thought up “It’s only a game” probably just lost one.
It is always unlucky to be behind at the end of a game.
The trouble with being a good sport is that you have to lose to prove it.
It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose until you lose.
In sports teamwork is essential. It enables you to blame someone else.
The Top 16 Faux Pas Committed at Tailgate Parties
16> Cleaning off the grill between seasons.
15> Your choice of “rowdy” music? “Ambient Sounds of the Tropical Rainforest.”
14> Using cheap French cheese instead of fine American cheese in the fondue pot.
13> Distributing your PETA literature.
12> “You do know that Bear Bryant was a cross-dresser, right?”
11> Cutting a hole in the crotch of the life-sized cardboard Joe Paterno, then sticking a hot dog through it.
10> Funneling white wine with red meat.
9> A good rule of thumb regarding centerpieces: People who bring centerpieces to a tailgate party SHOULD BE SHOT ON SIGHT!!!!
8> Using the salad tongs to scratch your crotch.
7> Any serious tailgater knows that only an oatmeal stout can stand up to a pancake breakfast.
6> Bringing along your “Martha Stewart’s Prized Tailgate Recipes” cookbook.
5> The tofu chili was bad enough, but it was your braised passion fruit and kelp salad with spelt-rhubarb dressing that sealed the deal.
4> Letting those “Queer Eye” guys talk you into bringing a veggie tray.
3> Lying down in a parking spot and making “oil angels.”
2> “Hey guys, since we’re missing church and all, why don’t we have a little Bible study right here?”
1> Acceptable: Showing off by playing around with the ol’ pigskin. Not acceptable: Doing so with the ol’ foreskin.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
The laws of golf
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the universe.
The Pope and the Rams
What do the Pope and the Rams both appearing in the St. Louis Trans World Dome have in common?
They both feature 3 million people saying ‘Jesus Christ!’
Rake in the bunker
A man said to his golfing friend, “I hit two of my best balls yesterday!”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, I stepped on a rake in the bunker.”
O.J. Simpson vs. John Elway
What do O.J. Simpson and John Elway have in comon?
John Elway is a old white Bronco and O.J. Simpson drives a old white
Bronco.
The Top 15 Signs Your Team Is Sponsored by a Brothel (Part II)
15> The term “tailgate party” seems to have taken on an entirely different meaning.
14> Your new uniforms: fishnet jerseys with red velvet pants.
13> The halftime show is a live version of the Kama Sutra.
12> That rainbow-wigged freak in the stands wears a shirt saying: “Johns 69:$80.”
11> You’re still in the locker room when your manager yells for you to “get a piece of it.”
10> For $100, your goalie will let anyone score.
9> Patrick Ewing came out of retirement and is playing for league minimum.
8> You’re dead last in the division, but your “Madame Rosie’s Got Game” T-shirts are selling on eBay for $2,000.
7> Concession stand burgers come with a side order of French ticklers.
6> Your team is the Washington Foreskins.
5> You now take it as a compliment when the opposing team calls you a bunch of pussies.
4> At the team tryouts, they ask you to “Bend It Like Beckham” — and you’re a basketball player.
3> You still suck, but now it costs the opposing team an extra $20.
2> “Yo! Condom man!”
1> “Oh, baby! Don’t stop!! Oh, yes! Yes! GOOOOOAAAALLL!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAALLL!!!”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
How did you break YOUR leg??
A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.
Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.
The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said,”You’re not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!
So, how did you break YOUR leg??”
20ft Birdie Putt
One day a young fella walked into the golf course club house looking for a
game. The attendant said there was a young lady about to tee off on the first
tee by herself The young fella went out and joined her for 18 holes. When on the
18th green, the young fella had a 25ft putt for a birdie and the young lady had
a 20ft birdie putt. The young fella was about to putt his 25 footer , when he
stopped and looked up at the young lady and said, “You know, I’ve enjoyed myself
so much today that if I make this 25ft birdie putt, I’ll take you out for
wineing and dining to the best places in town.” With that he putts his 25 footer
in for a birdie. The young lady steps up to her 20 ft birdie, stops and says,
“If I make this 20ft birdie putt, that after our wineing and dining, I’ll take
you back to my place for wild times all night.” Just as she goes to putt, the
young fella hollers out, “Hold it! Thats a gimme, pick it up!”