Eight Iron

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took
his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something
glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight
iron in hands of a skeleton!

Joe immediately called out to his friend, “Jack, I’ve got trouble down here!”

“What’s the matter?” Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.

“Bring me my wedge,” Joe shouted. “You can’t get out of here with an eight
iron!”

Two texas hunters

A couple of Texas hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the
ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the
operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy. I can help.
First, lets make sure he’s dead…”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The hunter says, “OK, now what?”

Free Raft

Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the
plant and home. When they took it for a float on the Stilliguamish River, they
were quite surprised by a coast guard helicopter that was homing in on the
emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing.

Golf Advices

Supermodel Kate Moss is serious about taking up golf
Unfortunately all her supermodel friends neither have the time
nor interest she does to get out and play. So poor Kate is
forced to hit the links solo and play with whomever she can.
Being a marginal athlete at best, Kate finds it very difficult
to break a 100 in a round where ever she plays. And being a
perfectionist, over time this begins to frustrate her to no end.

One afternoon, Kate shows up at the Prince Course in Kaui,
Hawaii by herself and finds a threesome of local men to play
with. From the start Kate explains her frustration to the
strangers, and welcomes their suggestions and helpful hints to
improve her game so that she may finally break 100. Devastated
by her overwhelming beauty, the three men are more than willing
to help her in any way they can, and offer up all their best
advise as the day goes on. Luckily for Kate their helpful advise
pays off, and as the foursome approaches the par 4 18th, Ms Moss
has a 95 and only needs to par the hole to finally break 100.

Kate is ecstatic, and with the mens help she reaches the green
in 3, and has only a 4 foot putt for par. This being the most
important putt of life, and the only thing that matters to her
in the whole world at that moment, she turns to the three men
and says: “whomever gives me the best advise on how to sink this
putt, will be rewarded with the blowjob of lifetime from me on
the spot, a hummer you will be able to tell your grand children
about!”

After a day of getting to know Ms Moss, there was little doubt
in the their minds, that she was very serious about that offer,
and it was not questioned.

The three men stood shell shocked, barley able to speak, then
one man said: “you have a 6 inch break to the left, play that
and you’ll sink it.” Kate nodded her head, acknowledging the
advise, and then turned to look at the second man for his input.
The second man realized he not only had to think quickly, but he
had to come up with a different recommendation to win this
coveted prize. Just the thought of Kate Moss slurping on his hog
on the 18th of the Prince Course, left him absolute brain dead
and almost speechless. Kate getting impatient said: “well, what
do you think?” Feeling rushed now, he blurted out “straight
shot, no break, nice and easy.” Kate raised her eyebrows, a
little surprised and confused then turned to look at the shot
again. As she studied the shot, she asked the third man for his
advise. Not hearing a reply, she turned to look at the third man
standing behind her. The mans shorts and underwear were already
at his ankles, and his sausage was saluting her proudly. Then a
with a shit eating grin on his face, the third man said: “That’s
a gimme!”

Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty In Golf But Aren’t

10. Nuts…my shaft is bent.

9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

7. Look at the size of his putter!

6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

5. Mind if I join your threesome?

4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

3. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.

2. Nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.

1. Hold on…I need to wash my balls first.

In the ravine.

One day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim calls out to his golfing partner in excitement, “Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here.”

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, “What’s the matter Jim?”

Jim shouts back in a nervous voice, “Throw me my 7-iron…
You can’t get out of here with an 8-iron!”