Category: sports

LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

Digger Phelps’ Words of WisdomFrom the NCAA Tournament:”Basketball is a game of two halves.””We have to remember that whoever scores the most points by the end wins.””You’re either a good team or a bad team, and they played somewhere in the middle.””He’s like all great players — not great yet.””You don’t score 86 points without being able to shoot.”

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

Paddy just arrived in America from Ireland on holiday. Now,
never having seen a baseball game before, he decides that now
would be a good time. So, he goes to the park, and gets himself
a bleacher seat.

Now, Paddy sees a guy step up to the plate with a stick in his
hand. The guy standing on the hump of dirt throws a ball at the
guy with the stick, who then *crack* hits the ball and starts
running down the side. Everyone around Paddy stands up and
shouts “RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!”

A second guy steps up to the plate, and then the guy on that
hump of dirt throws that ball again. And again, the guy with the
stick *crack* hits the ball and runs down the side. And again,
everyone around Paddy again, stands and shouts “RUN! RUN LIKE
HELL!”

Now, a third guy steps up to the plate with a stick in his
hands. This time, when the guy on the hump of dirt throws the
ball, the guy with the stick doesn’t do anything. And the guy
squatting behind the guy with the stick tosses the ball back to
the guy on the hump of dirt. And Paddy is thinking to himself,
“What’s happening? Why didn’t he hit the ball?” This happens
three more times, with Paddy wondering more each time.

After the fourth time, the guy with the stick drops the stick
and strolls up the side. Now Paddy stands up and shouts “RUN!
RUN LIKE HELL!” and the guy sitting next to Paddy says that he
doesn’t have to run. So Paddy asks him why, and is told that the
batter has four balls.

So Paddy shouts instead, “WALK WITH PRIDE, MAN! WALK WITH PRIDE!”

Two guys are out hunting deer…

The first guy says, “Did you see that?…pointing to the sky.”
“No,” the second guy says.
“Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!” the first guy says.
“Oh,” says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, pointing to a far ridge, the first guy says, “Did you see that?”
“See what?” the second guy asks.
“Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there!”
“Yah, Ok”, says the second guy again with a bit of irritation in his voice.

A few minutes later the first guy says: “Did you see that?”
This time pointing behind them.

By now, the second guy is getting very aggravated and says, “Yah, I SAW IT!”

And the first guy says: “Then why did you step in it?”

Stan and Norm are out for a round of golf when Stan hits his ball into the
rough. As they are looking for the ball, Stan spots a beautiful blonde using a
bush for a restroom. He grabs Norm and they both hide behind a tree while they
have a look.

“This is incredible. A beautiful woman like that actually relieving herself in
the woods.” says Stan.

“Yeah,” says Norm “And I bet she won’t even wipe her behind when she’s
finished.”

Stan is aghast. “No way! A beautiful woman like that would never be so
disgusting.”

Norm replied, “I’m telling you she isn’t going to wipe.”

“How do you know?” asked Stan.

“I just do.” replied Norm. “I’m so confident, in fact, that I’ll bet you ten
dollars she doesn’t wipe her behind.”

“You’re on!” said Stan, thinking he was on to a sure thing.

Suddenly Norm stepped out from behind the tree and shouted “Hey, what do you
think you’re doing?”

there was a two sons and two dads they caught three fish in all they caught three fish but they all caught a fish how is this possible

a son father and grandfather

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he
could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday
was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky,
and the temperature was just right.

The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play
golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could
not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where
no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went
to God and said, “Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is
doing.”

God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at
the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup
three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed
and excited.

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, “Begging Your
pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?!”

God smiled. “Think about it — who can he tell?”

These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. (emphasis on fool)

They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the
mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.

So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.

They called again, the bull answered closer to them. They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the bulls’ pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, “OK, lets get out and get him”!

After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts –
“THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!”

The front guy says, “Well, I’m gonna start nibbling grass,
but you better start to “brace yourself!”

A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to
find the ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring a
cauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing.

“A magic potion” she replies.

“Well what does it for” he asks. “This potion will make anyone an
excellent golfer.”

At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She is
agreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on his
sex life.

After a short period of soul searching he decides to try the potion.
He goes back to the golf course and completes an excellent game of
golf. Next he challenges the golf pro and beats him easily. He
spends every possible moment of the next year playing golf at every
course he manage to get to and having a wonderful time of it. After
a year he finds himself back at the same course where he found the
witch. Out of curiosity he slices one into the woods so he can talk
to her.

“Well”, she asks, “How has your game been?” “Great! This has been
the best year of my life. I have played all over the country and
never lost a game.”

“And how about your sex life?” “Oh, not bad.”

“Really? This stuff can really ruin a guys sex life. Say, how many
times did you have sex last year?” “Hmmmm, it was three, no, four
times.”

“And you call that not bad?” “Not for a priest with a small parish.”

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a NY METS fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Met fans too.Not really knowing what a METS fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.”Because I’m not a METS fan,”Then, asks the teacher, what are you?””Why I’m proud to be a Yankees fan,” boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.She asks Lucy why she is a Yankees fan. “Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankee fans, and I’m a Yankee fan too,”The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says Lucy, “I’d be a METS fan.”

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and
yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called
golf.

A Hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf & enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy.Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, “I’ve played so poorly all day, I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.”The caddy looks back at him and says, “I don’t think you could keep your head down that long.”