Category: sports

One of the regular foursome was sick, so a new member named George filled in. He was very good and pleasant company so they asked him to join them again the following Sunday. “9.30 okay?”

George said, “Fine, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me.”

The following Sunday George showed up right on time. Not only that he played left-handed and beat them.

They agreed to meet the following Sunday at 9.30. George again said, “Okay, but I may be about ten minutes late. Wait for me.”

The next Sunday there was George, punctual to the dot. This time he played right-handed and beat them again. “Okay, for 9.30 next Sunday?” one of the foursome asked.
George said, “Sure if I�m ten minutes late�”

Another golfer jumped in. “Wait a minute� You always say you may be ten minutes late. But you�re always right on time and you beat us whether you play right or left handed.”

George said, “Well, that�s true � I�m superstitious. If I wake up and my wife is sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed. If she�s sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed.”

“What if she�s lying on her back?”

George said, “That�s when I�m ten minutes late!”

Top 15: Why Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s legal to earn money playing hockey
Many people play hockey even after they’re married
The puck’s always hard
The protective equipment is reusable
It lasts at least an hour
A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon
You always know how big the stick is
You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding
You can change players on the fly
You don’t have to be embarrassed if you don’t get the puck up
Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds
Your parents cheer when you score
Periods last only 20 minutes
You’re sure to get it at least twice a week
You can tell your friends about it afterwards

Mike and John wre two guys who absolutely loved Baseball. they
based their whole lives around it. They played it every chance
they got, they went to every game they could possibly get
tickets for, and whatched all the others on TV. They were
obsessed with the game.

As the years went on they decided to make a pact with each
other, if one of them died before the other, he would come back
and tell the one still living if there was Basball in Heaven.
Because, after all, how could it be Heaven if there’s no
Baseball?

Sure enough, One of them dies. John died of a heart attack.
Although saddend by his friends death, Mike could’nt help but be
exited at the prospect of finally finding out if there really is
Baseball in Heaven, and eagerly awaited John’s answer.

About three days after his death, John’s spirit finally came to
visit Mike. It was about two in the morning when he arrived.
“Psst, Mike, it’s me”, he said, hovering over Mikes bed. Mike
stirred, then awoke and jumped at the sight of John’s spirit
floating over him. “Jesus!” he cried.

“Not quite,” John said “It’s me, John!”

“John, buddy, good to see you!” Mike said, “So tell me is there
Baseball in Heaven!”

“Whoa, Whoa, calm down,” John said “I,ve got good news and bad
news for you.”

“Well, tell me the good news first.”

“OK, there Is baseball in Heaven!”

“That’s great!” Mike said excitedly, “But, what’s the bad news?”

“Well” John said, “The bad news is, you are pitching tomorrow”

Q: Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?
A: Because there is no atmosphere!

Al Davis had finally put together the perfect Raiders team for ’99. The
only thing he was missing was a good quarterback.

He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he
couldn’t find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a SuperBowl win.

Then one night, watching CNN, he saw the war zone in Bosnia. In the
background, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a young Bosnian
soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into
a 15th story window 200 yards away… ka-boom! He threw another hand
grenade into a group of about 10 soldiers a good 110 yards
away–ka-blooey! A car passes going 90 miles an hour–bulls-eye! Right
into the barely open window.

“I’ve got to get this guy,” Al says to himself. “He has the perfect arm!”

So he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football.
Predictably, the young man breaks all the NFL records for completed
passes, and the Raiders go on to win the SuperBowl.

The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of that year’s SuperBowl,
and when Al asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to
call his mother. “Mom,” the young man says into the receiver, “I just won
the SuperBowl.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” the old woman says. “You deserted us.
You’re not my son.”

“I don’t think you understand, mother,” the young man pleads. “I just won
the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m in the middle of thousands
of adoring fans.”

“No, let me tell you,” the mother implores. “At this very moment, there
are gun shots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your
two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this
week your sister was raped in broad daylight….” The old lady pauses, in
tears, “…I’ll never forgive you for moving us to Oakland!”

Why cant Englands rugby team own a dog?
Because they cant hold on to a lead

A man went to the doctor one day and said:
“I’ve just been playing Rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched
my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and everywhere else, it really hurt.”
So the doctor said: “You’ve broken your finger.”

Coming home from his Little League game, young Bobby swung open the front door
very excitedly. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know
what had happened at his son’s game. “So, how did you do son?” he asked.

“You’ll never believe it.” Bobby said. “I was responsible for the winning
run!”

“Really? How did you do that?” inquired his dad.

To which little Bobby replied, “I dropped the ball.”

Three golfers, Bob, Max and Ted, are looking for a fourth. Bob mentions
that his friend George is a pretty good golfer, so they decide to invite
him for the following Saturday. “Sure, I’d love to play,” says George,
“but I may be about ten minutes late, so wait for me.” So Saturday rolls
around. Bob, Max, and Ted arrive promptly at 9:00 and find George already
waiting for them. He plays right-handed and beats them all. Quite pleased
with their new fourth, they ask him if he’d like to play again the
following Saturday. “Yeah, sounds great,” says George. “But I may be about
ten minutes late, so wait for me.” The following Saturday, again, all four
golfers show up on time, but this time George plays left-handed and beats
them all. As they’re getting ready to leave, George says, “See you next
Saturday, but I may be about ten minutes late, so wait for me.” Every
week, George is right on time and plays great with whichever hand he
decides to use. And every week, he departs with the same message. After a
couple months, Ted is pretty tired of this routine, so he says, “Wait a
minute, George. Every week you say you may be about ten minutes late, but
you’re right on time. You beat us either left-handed or right-handed.
What’s the story?” “Well,” George says, “I’m kind of superstitious. When I
get up in the morning, I look at my wife. If she’s sleeping on her left
side, I play left-handed, and if she’s sleeping on her right side, I play
right-handed.” “So what do you do if she’s sleeping on her back?” Bob
asks. “Well… That’s when I’m about ten minutes late.”

Q. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golfball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golfball.

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!”
The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?”

“It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose it!”

“Whattaya mean,” scoffs the golfer, “you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?”

“No problem,” says the salesman. “It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it.”

“Well, what if you hit it into the woods?”

“Easy,” says the salesman. “It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed.”

“Okay,” says the golfer, impressed. “But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?”

“No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I’m telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!”

The golfer buys it at once. “Just one question,” he says to the salesman. “Where did you get it?”

“I found it.”

Q: What is the new O.J. website address?
A: slash slash backslash escape.