Category: signs of our times

In restaurant: “Open seven days a week and weekends.” On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: “Rome wasn’t built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor.” A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: “A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS” A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: “Caution: Nuts crossing road.” On a ski lift in Taos, NM: ‘No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.’

In a Yugoslavian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is
the job of the chambermaid.

In a loan company window:

“Now you can borrow enough money to get completely out of debt.”

Sign on restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up.” Sign in a bowling alley: “Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.” Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: “Get a `long` little doggie!” Sign in a cafeteria: “Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want.”Sign on a music library’s door: “Bach in a minuet.”

In front of a New Hampshire car wash:

“If you can’t read this, it’s time to wash your car.”

In a Bangkok dry cleaner’s:

Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a repair shop:

“We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.”

On a roller coaster:

“Watch your head.”

In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE PER PRE-PACKED BAG DO-IT-YOURSELF In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.(THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.) Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Outside a Church:

No God – No Peace. Know God – Know Peace.

In the vestry of a New England church: “Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.”In a Pennsylvania cemetery: “Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.”On a roller coaster: “Watch your head.”On the grounds of a public school: “No trespassing without permission.”On a Tennessee highway: “When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”

Notice in a dry cleaner’s window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF. Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS