Category: sex

A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, “You know, we have a
wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our
jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and
we’re ready to go on the trucks.”

“From now on,” he said, ‘we’re going to run this house the same way. When
I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to
jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we’re going to screw all night.”

The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, “Bell 1!” and
his wife took off her clothes. “Bell 2,” and his wife jumped into bed.
“Bell 3, and they began to screw.

After two minutes his wife yelled, “Bell 4!”

“What’s this Bell 4?” the husband asks.

“More hose,” she replied, “you’re nowhere near the fire!’

There was this king who was trying to find a man for his daughter. He sent out a paper stating that he was having a contest to see who could make her scream louder. Well, only 3 men showed up.
The first one went in and had sex with her, but it didn’t seem to affect her in the way expected.
The second guy went in there and the same results appeared.
The third guy went in there and next thing you know, she is screaming really loud. They walk out and the guys are wondering how he did it. They asked him and in reply he simply told them that he put hot sauce on his dick.

Q. How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

I absolutley hate sex on the television…..

I keep falling off!

Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A. Place to hang their air freshener.

Q: How do you know when it’s time to wash dishes and clean the house? A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it’s not time.

on thanks giving a little boy saw his mom and dad fighting they called each outher a bitch and a bastered the boy asked what this ment the mom told him it was a polite way of saying ladies and gentalmen. the boy walked away and saw his dad sharping a knife he cut him self and said fuck the little boy asked what this word ment his dad said it ment to cut somthing the little boy walked away his mom asked him to tell every one it was time to cut the turky the little boy walked out side and said OK ALL YOU BITCHES AND BASTEREDS DAD IS ABOUT TO FUCK THE TURKY!

Q.Whats the difference between a egg and a want?

A. You cant beat a wank!

One day this little white guy walked into a elevator
and saw this big black guy. The black guy says,” 7 ft, 350
pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left nut, 3 pound right nut,
Turner Brown”. Immediatly the white guy fainted. The black guy
slapped him around to make him come to. When the white guy got
up he said,” Could you say that again”? The black guy says,” 7
ft, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left nut, 3 pound right
nut, Turner Brown”. ” Thank God,” the white guy said. ” I
thought you said turn a round”.

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, ‘You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?’ ‘Why?’ she asks. ‘Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.’

Two Italian virgins get married and go on their honeymoon. However, they have no idea what there supposed to do once they get to their hotel room. The newlyweds decide to call his mother and get some advice on what to do. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together and snuggle with each other and things should start to happen from there. The newlyweds start to do this but nothing else happens. He calls his mother back to find out what to do next. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers in bed, and nature should takes its course. The bride and groom take his mother’s advice but still nothing. He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation she says, “Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest thing!” and hangs up on him. A few minutes later he reluctantly calls his mother back, “Well, I have my nose in her armpit. What do I do next?”

The young woman approached the executive in front of his office and said,
“Please sir, give to take a wayward girl off the street.”

“And how much do you suggest I give?” he asked.

“It depends,” she smiled, “entirely on how long you want to keep her off of
it.”