Category: sex

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don’t have eyes.

You are just like a Pringles can, once i pop you i cant stop you.

A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn’t want to have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.

So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doctor asks her whats wrong and why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband anymore. The wife tells him, “For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab to work. I dont have any money so the cab driver asks me, ‘So are you going to pay today or what?’ so I take a ‘or what’. When I get to work I’m late so the boss asks me, ‘So are we going to write this down in the book or what?’ so I take a ‘or what’. Back home agian I take the cab and again I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me again, ‘So are you going to pay this time or what?’ so again I take a ‘or what’. So you see doc when I get home I’m all tired out, and I don’t want it any more.”

The doctor thinks for a secound and then turns to the wife and says, “So are we going to tell your husband or what?”

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron
wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what
happened.

Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf
with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of
the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up
the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball……..stuck
right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.

“What did you do?” asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, “Hey, this looks like
yours!”

Q: Which is the odd one out – a refrigerator, a washing machine, a TV or a woman?

A: The TV because all the others leak when they’re fucked!

A small white guy went into an elevator, when he got in he noticed a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black guy looked down upon the small white guy and said, “7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown.” The small guy fainted!! The huge black dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asked the small white guy, “What’s wrong?” Our petite friend said, “Excuse me, but what did you say?” The black giant looked down and repeated, “7 foot tall, 350pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown” The white guy sighed, “Oh, thank God! I thought you said Turn around!!'”

There were three women who always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, of course, the laundry always gets wet – all the laundry, except for Sophie’s. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains. So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, ‘How come when it rains, your laundry is never out?’ ‘Well,’ says Sophie, ‘when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Paul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it’s going to be a great day and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it’s going to rain, so I don’t hang out the wash.’ ‘What if it is pointed up?’ asks one of the women. ‘Honey,’ says Sophie, ‘on a day like that, you don’t do the laundry!’

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember psalm 129?”

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again Said, “Father, remember psalm 129?” Once again the priest apologized. “Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance, and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!

Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
A. I feel like a kid again!

WANTED:A tall well-built woman with goodreputation, who can cook frogslegs, who appreciates a good fuc-schia garden, classic music and tal-king without getting too serious.(But please only read lines 1,3 and 5)Submitted By: Lisa

Q:What is the differance between Brittney Spears and an airplane?

A: Not everybody has been in a airplane

Three women were talking about their love lives. The first said, ‘My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated.’ The second said, ‘Mine is like a porsche; fast and powerful.’ The third said, ‘Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it’s still going.’