New Drug – Worse than Viagra

A woman walks into her sex therapist’s office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and they never have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it. The therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and tell her what happened.

The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the pill worked and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says she doesn’t know, but to go ahead and try it.

The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills. The therapist says she doesn’t know, but to go ahead and try it.

The next day, the woman comes in limp but happy, and tells the therapist that the sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave her husband the rest of the bottle. The therapist says she doesn’t know; it’s an experimental drug and she doesn’t know what a full bottle could do to a person. Anyway, the woman leaves the therapist’s office and put the rest of the bottle of pills in the husband’s morning coffee.

A week later, a boy walks into the therapist’s office and says: “Are you the dumb fuck who gave my mother a bottle of experimental pills?”

“Why, yes, young man, I did.Why?”

“Well, mom’s dead, my sister’s pregnant, my ass hurts, and dad’s sittin’ in the corner going “Here, kitty, kitty, kitty…”

Heart Transplant for a Prostitute

A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.The woman, concerned about her friend’s welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said, “Doctor, I’m worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?”The doctor replied, “Well, she’s 34 years old and is in extremely good health, apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?”The patient’s friend replied, “She’s been working since she was 18 years old, but what’s that got to do with anything?””Well,” said the doctor, “if she’s been working for 16 years and hasn’t rejected an organ, I don’t think she’s about to start now!”

joke

1.A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well and
she enjoys showing off her new look. She goes to the newsstand
and asks the man, ”Sir, how old do you think I am”? The man
replies ”You’re 30, right?” She says ”No, I’m 47, but nice
try.” The next day, she goes to McDonald’s. She orders her
lunch and asks the young man at the counter, ”How old do you
think I am?” The man replies, ”You’re 37, right?” The lady
says ”No, I’m 47, but good guess.” After lunch, she gets on
the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is. He
replies ”Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my
hand down her panties.” So, quietly and quickly, she lets him
do so. He thinks a moment and announces, ”You’re 47!” The
lady, astonished, asks, ”How did you know?” The old man
replies ”I was standing right behind you at McDonald’s.”

Two Statues in the Park

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced
each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from
Heaven.

“You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them,
“that I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring
you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do
anything you want.” And with a clap of his hands, the angel
brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for
the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling,
laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the
two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

“You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel, winking
knowingly.

Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male
statue and said, “Great! Only this time YOU hold the pigeon down
and I’LL shit on its head.”

Top 12 Reasons Why Swearing is Better than Sex

1. It’s just as much fun by yourself.

2. If you split up with your partner, they won’t spread malicious rumours about the size of your vocabulary.

3. It can be done in public.

4. The cops can’t trace you if you verbally abuse someone, usually.

5. A little one can be just as good as a big one.

6. No one gets jealous if you do it to a lot of people at the same time.

7. You won’t be ridiculed if you do it to someone of the same sex.

8. You can meet a stranger and have them doing it to you three seconds later.

9. It’s much more acceptable at family reunions. Hopefully.

10. If it comes and goes quickly it’s not a bad thing.

11. If you lose it in your old age, you won’t be disappointed.

12. No one spreads rumours about how easy you are to swear at.

Mommy and Daddy

A little boy about the age of 5 walked in on his mother taking a shower and looked down and asked “Mommy whats that?”

she replied “Thats mommies bush.”

5 Mins later he walked in on her getting dressed and looked up and asked “Mommy what are those?”

she replied “Those are mommies headlights.”

That night after his father came home from work he walked in on him getting changed and looked down and asked “Daddy whats that?”

he replied “Thats my snake.”

That night he went into his parents room because he ahd a bad dream.

” Ok you can sleep with us but what ever you do donot go under the covers.

Not listening later that night he looked under the cover and screamed. “MOMMY MOMMY TURN ON YOUR HEAD LIGHTS THE SNAKE IS GOING INTO YOUR BUSH!”