Category: sex

Q. What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag?
A. Speed bumps.

the 1st penis says to the second penis ” do u like your owner “, yes he said the second asks the same question to the 1 st penis ” no, because he sticks a plastic bag over my head, puts me into a dark hole and makes me do push ups til i vomit

Q. What’s white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clotty litter.

A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.The woman, concerned about her friend’s welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said, “Doctor, I’m worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?”The doctor replied, “Well, she’s 34 years old and is in extremely good health, apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?”The patient’s friend replied, “She’s been working since she was 18 years old, but what’s that got to do with anything?””Well,” said the doctor, “if she’s been working for 16 years and hasn’t rejected an organ, I don’t think she’s about to start now!”

1.A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well and
she enjoys showing off her new look. She goes to the newsstand
and asks the man, ”Sir, how old do you think I am”? The man
replies ”You’re 30, right?” She says ”No, I’m 47, but nice
try.” The next day, she goes to McDonald’s. She orders her
lunch and asks the young man at the counter, ”How old do you
think I am?” The man replies, ”You’re 37, right?” The lady
says ”No, I’m 47, but good guess.” After lunch, she gets on
the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is. He
replies ”Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my
hand down her panties.” So, quietly and quickly, she lets him
do so. He thinks a moment and announces, ”You’re 47!” The
lady, astonished, asks, ”How did you know?” The old man
replies ”I was standing right behind you at McDonald’s.”

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced
each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from
Heaven.

“You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them,
“that I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring
you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do
anything you want.” And with a clap of his hands, the angel
brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for
the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling,
laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the
two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

“You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel, winking
knowingly.

Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male
statue and said, “Great! Only this time YOU hold the pigeon down
and I’LL shit on its head.”

Q. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A. They’re hiring.

What do you call a Lesbian Eskimo?A Klondike

1. It’s just as much fun by yourself.

2. If you split up with your partner, they won’t spread malicious rumours about the size of your vocabulary.

3. It can be done in public.

4. The cops can’t trace you if you verbally abuse someone, usually.

5. A little one can be just as good as a big one.

6. No one gets jealous if you do it to a lot of people at the same time.

7. You won’t be ridiculed if you do it to someone of the same sex.

8. You can meet a stranger and have them doing it to you three seconds later.

9. It’s much more acceptable at family reunions. Hopefully.

10. If it comes and goes quickly it’s not a bad thing.

11. If you lose it in your old age, you won’t be disappointed.

12. No one spreads rumours about how easy you are to swear at.

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, “Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?”

“Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose.”

“Wow, what does it look like after sex?”

“Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?”

A little boy about the age of 5 walked in on his mother taking a shower and looked down and asked “Mommy whats that?”

she replied “Thats mommies bush.”

5 Mins later he walked in on her getting dressed and looked up and asked “Mommy what are those?”

she replied “Those are mommies headlights.”

That night after his father came home from work he walked in on him getting changed and looked down and asked “Daddy whats that?”

he replied “Thats my snake.”

That night he went into his parents room because he ahd a bad dream.

” Ok you can sleep with us but what ever you do donot go under the covers.

Not listening later that night he looked under the cover and screamed. “MOMMY MOMMY TURN ON YOUR HEAD LIGHTS THE SNAKE IS GOING INTO YOUR BUSH!”

A naked man walks in a bar when the bartender says”what happened to you?”.Then the man said “I just got of of cherryhill top”. THen another naked man comes in and the bartender asks him the same, and the man answers the same. Then a naked woman walks in the bar and the bartender asks the same and she said “no,I am cherryhill top.”