Category: sex

What do lesbians do on their period?

— finger paint!

Q. What’s the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn’t last forever.

What is the ultimate rejection?

When you are masturbating and your hand falls asleep!

A beautiful lady came to marry a senior IRSE officer. She told him that even though she was earlier married to four senior taffic officers of Eastern Railway, but she is virgin.The excited civil engineer who was a Sarderji holding a very high position in Indian Railway wanted to know the details before giving his consent. The lady narrated the following stories:

Husband No 1: He was COM of the Railway and wanted detail analysis of screwing to be by deputing TI,TDI and PWI before actually screwing.Joint note never came and he never fucked.

Husband No 2: He was CPTM.He could not finalise the time table of fucking

Husband No 3 : Was CSO. He could not fuck because there was no provision in GR&SR.

Husband No 4 : Was a CFTM-1 . He told that there is no indent.

After narrating her plight the gentle lady told the civil engineer ” Darling you are already screwing the Railway. Now please screw me also.”

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can’t see each other using sign language, natch).

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. “Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.”

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time.”

“And if you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis……fifty times”

Eddie, Columbia, Frank and Rocky arrive at Heavens gates and are met by St Peter. “My children” said Peter “You have all lived very sinful lives but as your deaths were so untimely you can return to earth. But remember, if you indulge in any sins of the flesh you will go to Hell.” Everyone agreed and in a flash they were back on earth.Unfortunately, the second they came to life, Eddie and Columbia fell into each other arms in a passionate embrace. The ground under them open up and swallowed them up.Rocky and Frank carried on down the road a few miles when Rocky saw a $20 bill on the ground bends over to pick it up.The ground open and Frank disappears.

Why are hurricanes and women similar?

When they come there wet and when they leave they take half the house with them!

There once was a poor man walking down the freeway when a farmer
had saw him. The poor man asked the farmer could he stay for the
night and the farmer agreed and told him he could stay in his
daughter’s room. The farmer had asked the man not to touch his 3
daughters and the man said, ” I will sleep like a rabbit during
the night”. The next morning the poor man was on his way and the
farmer asked him how did he sleep and the poor man said he slept
like a rabbit. The farmer was so proud of his daughters that he
told another farmer about the poor man and how he slept like a
rabbit.

The other farmer said, ” Goddamnit he got my daughters and me
the same way because rabbit’s don’t sleep, they go from hole to
hole during the night”

Q. What do you call three lesbians in bed together?
A. M�nage � twat.

A young woman married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally croaked. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to “Go forth and multiply.” In his final eulogy, he noted, “Thank you Lord, they’re finally together.” Leaning over to his neighbor, one mourner asked… “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The other mourner then replied… “I think he means her legs.” submitted by: Lisa

A husband had to leave town on a buisness trip his wife was the flirtatious type so he thought about buying an infatable doll but that was too close to another man for him so he went to a adult toy store and talked to the old man behind the counter. The old man said well I really shouldnt show you this but ok….he bought out this box with all these stange looking symbols on it and inside lay a very ordinary looking dildo. The man was like
“That is like every other dildo in here.”
The old man said well you have mot seen what it can do..he pointed to the door and said “voodo dick, the door” the dildo rose up out of the box shot towards the door and started banging the heck out of the keyhole, before it could split down the middle the old man said “voodo dick back to the box.” the dildo stopped banging the keyhole and floted back to the box. The husband was so amazed he intantly offered the old man all his money and the old man accepted. He told the husband the intructions and the husband went home.
It was time to leave for his buisness trip and the husband told his wife..honey when you get really horny all you have to do is say voodo dick my p###y. so he left thinking everything was ok. Three days go by and his wife is really horny, she thinks of several men that can willingly satisfy her but she decides to give her husbands present a try, she whips it out and says “Voodo dick my p###y” and it thrust to her crotch and its like nothing she ever felt before..third orgasm she cant take anymore..she trys to remove the dildo but its stuck…she is trying to get dressed and is trembling from the vibrations she decides to drive herself to the hospital…on the way she has another orgasm and swerves off the road a cop sees her and pulls her over..he says mam may I see your drivers license and what have you been drinking. She says ” Officer you really dont understand (still shaking from the dildo) theres a voodo dick and its stuck in my p###y
He says ” ya right…voodo dick my ass.”

A guys occupation is to stick his cocupation into a womens ventalation to increase the worlds population.i learnt this of a board of education so if you want a demonstration just lay down!!