Category: sex

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!”

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you
were this religious.”

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist.”

Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A. Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.

One day, Pinnochio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and wooden boys do. Later, as they were cuddling, Pinnochio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend. So he asked her, What’s the matter, baby?’ Pinnochio’s girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, ‘You’re probably the best guy I’ve ever met — but every time we make love, you give me splinters.’ This remark bothered Pinnochio a great deal, so the next day he went to seek some advice form his creator, Gepetto. When Pinnochio arrived, he could tell something was bothering Pinnochio, and asked him what was the matter. As Pinnochio revealed his dilemma, Gepetto searched up and down for a solution. Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be able to ‘smooth’ out Pinnochio’s relationship with his girlfriend. Pinnochio graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way. Gepetto had not heard from Pinnochio for a while and therefore assumed that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinnochio’s problems. A couple weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinnochio. When he saw Pinnochio buying all the packs of sandpaper the store had in stock, Gepetto remarked, ‘So Pinnochio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls’. To which Pinnochio replied, ‘GIRLS? WHO NEED GIRLS???’

One Day an apple, a bannana, and a dick were talking about how their lives were worse. the apple said”People eat me then throw me away!” The Bannana said “People peal me, eat me, and then throw me away!” Then the dick said “People put a bag over my head, put me in a dark cave, and then make me do push ups until i throw up!”

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.

Q) Why do so many women fake orgasms?
A) Because so many men fake foreplay!

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A. They don’t stop for directions.

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

A man and his girlfriend were sitting in the backseat of his car, having some fun and things started to get hott and heavy. The man told the girl he wanted to finger her, but she said she was on her period and would be too embarrassed. It took some convincing, but finally she gave in. So he was goin at it when a policeman stuck his head through the open window and said “Whats going on in here?” The man quickly rubbed his finger around his lips and replied “Eatin Pizza!”

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly.

Imagine the trademarks:

Nike Condoms: – Just do It
Toyota Condoms: – Oh what a feeling
Ford Condoms: – The ride of your life
Sony Condoms: – Do not underestimate the power of Sony
Microsoft Condoms: – Where do you want to go today?
KFC Condoms: – Finger Licking Good
M&Ms Condoms: – Melt in your mouth, not in your hands
Coca-Cola Condom: – The Real Thing
Ever-Ready Condoms: – Keep going and going
Macintosh Condoms: – It does more, it costs less, it’s that simple
Pringles Condoms: – Once you pop, you can’t stop

your dick is so small when you took of f your shorts in front of your girlfriend she asked did you get a bysectame

An eight year old boy, and a nineteen year old boy with his girlfriend were going to bed.

The nineteen year old and his girlfriend were on the top bunk and the eight year old took the bottom bunk.

The couple on the top bunk wanted to have sex. But their was only one problem…..the eight year old on the bottom bunk. So the girl said let’s make up keywords so we don’t scare him. Lettuce will be harder and tomatoe will be rollover.

All through the night the only thing the puzzled boy heard was lettuce, tamatoe, lettuce, tomatoe, lettuce, tomatoe.

the couple was in the middle of their pleasure when the boy said…….

Would you guys stop making sandwiches up their, you’re dripping mayonnaise on me