Yours Fun Portal !
A guy is walking down the street and enters a clock and watch shop. While looking around, he notices a drop dead gorgeous female clerk behind the counter. He walks up to the counter where she is standing, unzips his pants, and places his dick on the counter.
“What are you doing, Sir?”, she asks. “This is a clock shop!!”
He replied, “I know it is. And I would like 2 hands and a face put on THIS!!”
Q:Why do fagets were a ribbed condome
A:Better traction in the mud
Drug stores are being forced to increase security in the face of a rash of Viagra thefts. Authorities believe the thefts are being carried out by ‘hardened criminals.’ Did you hear about the first documented over-dose of Viagra ? Some guy took 11 pills…………his wife died. Side effects of Viagra: If you don’t swallow pills fast enough, you get a stiff neck. What do you get if you mix Viagra with Rogaine? Don King.
A whore met a plastic surgeon and asked him to make another hole
“What you need anoda hole for?” Asked the surgeon.
“Business is good” Replied the whore “So I want to open another branch”!
Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried
to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends
and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny
to occupy himself…television, ice cream, homework,
videogames…but the youngster insisted on running back and
forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.
The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit
the game and all go home. At this point, the boy’s uncle stood
up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room.
The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny,
and without comment the game resumed. For the rest of the
afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card
players continued without any further interruptions. After the
poker game ended, the father asked Johnny’s uncle, “What in the
world did you say to Johnny? I haven’t heard a peep from him all
day!” “Not much,” the boy’s uncle replied. “I just showed him
how to masturbate.”
Q:why do women wear flower printed panties?
A:it is the memory of men buried in there.
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two hookers and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “ONE, TWO, THREE…UUH!” all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, “How did it go?” The first whispered back, “It was so embarrassing. I Simply couldn’t get an erection.” The second dwarf shook his head. “You think that’s embarrassing?” he asked. “I couldn’t even get on the bed!”
A woman went to see a sex therapist with a peculiar problem.
“My husband,” she said, “always falls asleep with his erect penis inside of me.”
“Is that a problem?” asked the therapist.
“Well,” she said, “the problem is he walks in his sleep!”
Q: Why does Frankenstein always walk around groaning and saying “Eeehhhhh””?
A: Because he was screwed
“
This guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is about 9 years old. One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his gal climb up to the top bunk.
As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper, “lettuce” if she wants it harder and “tomato” if she wants a new position. “Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, pull it out,”
She screams out…”I can’t get pregnant…aaahhhhhhhh”!
Then the little brother chimes in, “Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there, you’re getting mayonnaise all over my face.”
How can you compare a lite beer to making love in a canoe? It’s fucking close to water!
What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
Well Hung.