Category: sex

Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

25 useless things on a man :-

20 Nails you cannot hammer
02 Tits you cannot milk
02 Balls you cannot throw
01 Cock that cannot crow

but don’t laugh yet, for women have a pussy that cannot catch mice!

Super-man’s bored in super hero land. So he rings his friend
Spider-man “wanna come for a beer?” he asks
“nah, i’m busy.” replies Spider-man, so Super-man rings Bat-man
but gets the same reply. Super-man then decides to go to the pub
on his own. as he flies he looks around him a window is open in
the building next to him. He uses his special powers to see
through the curtain, he sees Wonder-woman lying naked on the
bed. he thinks to himself i could go in there and fuck her
really quick before she even notices. So in he goes he comes
back out in 10 seconds.
Wonder-woman says “did you here something Invisible man?”
“No but my arse sure hurts!”

An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program.

The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed.

Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said “Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me.”

So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch.

The little old lady turned to her husband and said “He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!”

One Day an apple, a bannana, and a dick were talking about how their lives were worse. the apple said “People eat me then throw me away!” The Bannana said “People peal me, eat me, and then throw me away!” Then the dick said “People put a bag over my head, put me in a dark cave, and then make me do push ups until i throw up!”

Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Q) what does a moped and a fat woman have in common?A)they’re good for a ride until your mates find out! Q)what does a condom and kodak have in common?A) they both capture the moment!

A bride and groom had just gotten married and they were at their wedding reception. In the brides culture, it was required for the bride to dance with the best man. Well after 4-5 dances, the groom got jealous and kicked the bride in-between her legs. She went to the hospital and the doctor asked ,”What happened?” The best man said,” I was dancing with the bride, and the groom got jealous and kicked her between the legs.” “God, that must of hurt,” replied the doctor. The best man said,”Tell me about it, he broke three of my fingers!”

what do you call nuts on a chest?
chestnuts.
what do you call nuts on a wall?
wallnuts.
what do you call nuts on a chin?
my dick in your mouth.

your mamas like a vaccum cleaner she sucks she blows and she gets laid in the closet!!LOL!!

this guy said hello to a guy sating at the bar.
the guy sating at the bar said hi how are you.
the first guy says i am doing fine.
the second guy says do you like men because i do.
the first guy says yes do you want to have sex with me.
yes said the guy
how long is your dick mine is 100inches long.
mine is 200inches long how round is yours mine is 900inches around
mine is 1000inches around
lets start to have sex right here but you suck and i fuck you in the ass!!!!!
ok unzip your pants take off your boxers
and rip off the rest. you rip off everyhting
and i will stike my dick in your ass. then you suck as hard as you can.
ok replied the guy own lee if you do it really really really hard to me. ok said the man. then lets go at it .i love you.

A priest who went into the country to pay a visit to a 92 year old church member whom he had not seen for many years. She welcomed him into the parlor. While she made tea, he looked around and saw a beautiful oak pump organ with a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was half filled with water and a condom was floating on top of it. Astonished and shocked, he quickly turned away. But after tea curiosity got the best of him and he asked her about it.’Oh yes,’ she said enthusiastically. ‘While in town last year I found a package on the sidewalk. The directions on the back said ‘keep wet and put on your organ to prevent disease. And you know, I think it works. I haven’t had a cold all winter’