Category: sex

Q. What’s the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
A. Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack smacker!

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.

Does a guy prefer a women who smokes of not?

to find out your finger.

(grabbing their finger say) {caugh caugh}

This guy woke up one morning and saw his girlfriend with coat on and her bags packed. He said “What are you doing?”

She said “I’m leaving you because I heard you were a pedofile.”

And the guy responded “Pedofile! That’s a pretty big word coming from a twelve year old”!

Grandma, who was living with her daughter’s family, let her 11-year-old grandson in from school. “What did you learn today?” she asked.

“Sex education. All about penises and vaginas and intercourse and stuff,” he replied matter-of-factly.

The old woman was shocked and reported the conversation to her daughter.

Her daughter replied, “Mom, this is the Nineties. These days it’s all part of the curriculum.”

A few hours later, the grandmother was reading when her daughter announced dinner was ready. Grandmother walked past her grandson’s bedroom and noticed him on his bed, vigorously masturbating.

“Sonny,” she said, “when you’re finished with your homework, come on downstairs to eat.”

The teacher had caught Johnny gambling several times. She requested a conference with Johnny’s dad who admitted that he also had tried to break Johnny of his gambling habit. After many failed efforts, Johnny one day (after school) called the teacher a hypocrite.”Why do you say that, Johnny,” she asked.”Because you are.”Again she asked, “why.”He said, “Because you’re not a true blonde.”She demanded to know how much money Johnny had. It came to about $50. She bet him $50 dollars she was a true blonde. She went behind her desk and removed her panties. Then she stood with her back to the door and pulled her dress up showing her radiantly blonde pubic hair. Afterwards she called the father and told him what she had done “in Johnny’s best interest.”The father moaned and groaned and cried, “Oh, no,” numerous times.The teacher said, “Look, I did this for Johnny. Do you think it was easy for me to pull up my dress and show Johnny my pussy? I’d think you’d be understanding instead of critical!”The father replied, “Oh, I’m not so upset that you showed Johnny your pussy, it’s just that…””Just that what?” the embarrassed teacher asked.The father replied, “It’s just that I decided to break Johnny of betting myself, and this morning I bet him that he was wrong when he boasted that before the day was over, he’d have you lifting your skirt and showing him your pussy.”

Once, there was this guy who was traveling in his car when he
ran out of gas. There wasn’t a gas station for miles so he
walked to an old farm house. When he knocked on the door an old
guy answered the it. The guy asked if he could spend the night
and the old guy said,”Only if you stay away from my daughter.”
The guy said, “Alright, alright”, and he walked in.
That evening the old guy went into his daughter’s room and put
eggs all over the floor so he knew if the guy went into her
room. At about 10:30 PM, the guy went into her room and stepped
all over the eggs, but it turned out that she wasn’t there, so
the guy walked out. When he got in the hall he saw that he had
eggs all over his feet! So he went back in and pasted all the
eggs back together, one by one.
The next morning the mother was making eggs for breakfast but
when she went to crack the eggs, nothing came out. She
yelled,”Pa, get the shotgun! The chickens are using rubbers
again!”

A boy with a speech impediment walks in a bakers and asks for a
bum. The baker says “don’t you mean bun” and the boy replies
yes. With his bun under his arm he goes into a hardware store
and asks for a fuckit. The confused owner asks “do you mean a
bucket”, the kid saysyes again.He goes into a pet store and asks
for a cock-n-scratchit. The guy in the store gives him a
cockerspaniel and says “is this what your looking for”. The boy
says yes again. Outside he bumps to a lady and his dog runs
off, he turns to her and says can you hold my bum and fuckit
while I go and get my cock-n-scratchit.

Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!

YOU HAVENT PARTIED UNTIL YOU WAKE UP ONE MORNING IN THE CLOSED, AND YOU�RE
FACE STINKS AND YOUR DICK HURTS.

Q. When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie.

One day,a girl was babysitting a little boy and a little girl. The girl was asleep and the boy was still up.The babysitter asked the boy,”What could I do to get you to go to sleep.” He said you could read me a bedtime story so she started to read.The boy stopped her and said my mom usually lays down by me when she reads me a story. So she did.Then the little boy said my mom is usually naked when she reads me a story, so the babysitter got naked.then the boy said,”My mom lets me stick my finger in her belly button.” The babysitter says”that is not my belly button.” The boy said that is not my finger.