Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving.
Category: sex
Son, What did you see?
ONE DAY A MAN DECIDED HE NEEDED TO HIRE SOMEONE TO WATCH HIS WIFE, WHO HE BELIEVED WAS CHEATING ON HIM. SO, HE HIRED THREE 14 YEAR OLD BOYS TO DO THE JOB. AFTER ONLY 2 DAYS, HE WAS SURE HE HAD WHAT HE NEEDED TO FILE FOR DIVORCE. THEY SAT IN THE COURT ROOM AND THE FIRST TEEN TOOK THE STAND. THE JUDGE ASKED, SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? THE BOY REPLIED, I SAW FUCKING
ANGERED THE JUDGE YELLED, THERE WILL BE NO VULGAR LANGUAGE IN MY COURTROOM! GET OUT!
THE SECOND TEEN TOOK THE STAND. THE JUDGE ASKED SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? TO WHICH THE BOY REPLIED, I SAW FUCKING TOO
AGAIN THE JUDGE YELLED, THERE WILL BE NO VULGAR LANGUAGE IN MY COURTROOM! NOW GET OUT!!
A BIT NERVOUS THE THIRD TEEN TOOK THE STAND. SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? ASKED THE JUDGE ON THE EDGE OF HIS SEAT A BIT ANNOYED. THE BOY TOOK A DEEP BREATH AND REPLIED,
I SAW PANTS DROPPING TO THE KNEES,
BALLS SWAYING IN THE BREEZE, DICK GOING IN AND OUT. I CALL THAT FUCKING, YOU GONNA KICK ME OUT?
The Three Fleas
One night, a man and woman were getting ready to have sex. At
the same time, there were three fleas in the room looking for
somewhere to hide. One crawled between the mattress, one crawled
up the woman’s ass, and the third crawled into her pussy.
The man jumped on the bed and the couple began to have sex.
During intercourse, the woman silently left a fart. When they
were finished, the man came inside her and they went to sleep.
The next morning, the three fleas got together. The one that
slept between the mattress said, “I was sleeping fine until a
big rock landed on me.”
The flea that slept up the woman’s ass said “Yeah? I was
sleeping fine until a big gust of wind blew me out on the sheet.”
The third flea, looking really pissed off, said, “I was sleeping
fine ’till some bald headed sonofabitch came along and SPIT on
me!”
Just Married
‘We’re newlyweds, and we’d like a suite,’ said the groom to the hotel clerk.’Bridal?’ inquired the clerk.’Oh, no!’ blurted out the bride. ‘I’ll just hang on to his ears until I get used to it.’
Gay’s Baby
Two gays decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the gays’ delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
Brad exclaims. “All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.”
The nurse says, “He’s happy now. But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.”
Clever Fred
A worried father confronted his daughter one night. ‘I don’t like that new boyfriend, he’s rough and common and bloody stupid with it.’ ‘Oh no, Daddy,’ the daughter replied, ‘Fred’s ever so clever, we’ve only been going out nine weeks and he’s cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.’
Making brownies
There was a mommy and a daddy and they went downstairs to have sex. Their son came down and aksed what they were doing, they said they were making brownies. So the next moring their son goes up to them and says,”Mommy, I no what you were really doing last night.” Oh,ya, What. Making brownies, I liked the frosting off the couch.
Porn Star Names
It has been said that the way you make up your name for when you become a porn star is to take the name of your first pet plus the first street you lived on. A random sampling of “normal” people gives the following “porn star” names:Kitty RollingwoodHammie LincolnPeanuts SeventhTux BouldierBirdie WillowVelvet FirstSmokie Briar RosePandora Sarvis BerryTry it!
Breasts
Synonyms for breast:boob, bust, bosom, tit, knockout, etc.
But what are breasts?
Nothing but icecreams with cherries for men to bite into.
Worn Out
John:if u need a fuck go to the shed and stick your dick through
the keyhole.
Abdol:all right whhen i’ve wanked too much i’ll give it a try.
later that night he needed a fuck so he went to the shed. he
gave it all he had and did it every night wondering what made it
feel so good. one day he went to the shed to have a fuck when he
couldn’t feel a thing. he went back to his room and had a wank.
the next day he went to the owner and said ” what the fuck is
this the shed didn’t give me a worth while fuck last night” the
owner said
” I KNOW THE PIGS ARSE IS WORN OUT !!!! “
They are mourning for the stiff they buried the ni
Q. Why do women wear black underwear?
A. They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
Come on baby make it hurt so good
This guy who was only 5’3 was going to have sex with this girl at this party one night so they found a room and as soon as the girl had all of her clothes off she tells the guy. now i want you to give me nine inches and you better make it hurt. so the guy fucked her three times and then punched her.