Category: sex

Q. How can you tell if you have acne?
A. If the blind can read your face.

Definition of a bastard……………….
a man who screws u all night with a 2 inch dick and kisses u god bye in the morning with a 12 inch tounge!!!!!!!!

A teacher asks her class, ‘ If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?’

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ‘ None, they will all fly away with
the first gun shot.’

The teacher replies, ‘ The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.’

Then little Johnny says ‘ I have a question for you. There are three women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the
triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the
cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?’
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, ‘ Well, I suppose the one that’s
gobbled down the top and sucked the cone. ‘

To which Little Johnny replied, ‘ The correct answer is ‘the one with the
wedding ring on’, but I like your thinking. ‘

Where does a male bee keep his stinger at during the night? In his hunny!

Q. What do Girls and Airplanes have in common.

A. They both have Cockpits

a nurse is walking past the morge. she walks past a guy with a large dick. she looks if any1 is around, then she talks off her clothes and rides his dick like its a horse.her boobs are flying around because they are so damn big. shes done,and she leaves. the dead guy is actually alive. he covers his head with the cloth and waits 4 another lady that cant find any1 to have sex with.

Every day this old lady would come home from work and fuck her husband, but one day she came home from work and he was dead. So she chopped off his dick and stapled it to the bathroom wall. One day while she was fucking the dick, a man in the house next door saw her through the window and had an idea.While she was at work the next day, cut a hole in the wall and put his dick in it, where the other dick was. When she came home, she went into the bathroom and cut off the dick, saying “come on honey we’re moving house”.

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen.

“What’s wrong dearest??” asked the confused husband.

“Oh darling,” sobbed the wife, “I was cleaning little Suzie’s room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bedm, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do???”

“Well,” replied the man…
“I guess a spanking is out of the question?”

my wife has all these sex toy why does she need me for.

A newlywed couple was relaxing at the beach. Suddenly the woman
jumps up and starts yelling, “something just flew into my
vagina! Do something!” The husband rushes her to a local
hospital where an x-ray is performed on her. A few minutes later
her doctor comes back with the results. “Mrs. Davis, apparently
a wasp flew into you, but fear not, there is a simple solution.”
He discusses it quietly with the husband, “all you do is rub
some honey on the head of your penis, insert it and as soon as
you feel the wasp yank your penis out and the wasp should fly
out.”

Due to the stressful situation, the husband could not get hard,
so the doctor said, “Due to the circumstances, why don’t I do
the deed?” After discussing the matter, the couple agreed that
there is no other choice. So the doctor removed his clothes,
rubbed the honey and penetrated her, then he began thrusting in
and out, faster and faster. The husband grabbed him and yelled,
“What the fuck are you doing?” To which the doctor replied,
“Change of plan. I decided to drown the bastard!”

a clerk has a bathroom of three toilets,a wood one,a glass one,and a thing one. one day a man comes in and says “Can i use your toliet?” the clerk says “yeah sure we have three open, a wood one,a glass one, and the thing one,” the man replies,”i will take the wood one.” Another man comes in and says,”can i use your bathroom?” the clerk says “yeah we have two open,a glass one and a thing one” the man replies,”ok i will take the glass one” the other man comes in and says “can i use your toilet?” the clerk says “yeah we have one left and thats the thing one,” the man replies,” ok i will take that one,” well of course the first man took the wood one and came out with slivers in his butt,the second man couldnt use the glass toilet cause it broke on him, the third man goes over to the clerk and told him,”huh,funny my toilet kept saying: do you see what i see!”

Two old men are comparing their sex lives: Man 1: I can still do it twice! Man 2: Which time do you enjoy the most? Man 1: I think the winter. ——Saying that she is promiscuous is an understatement. She’ll go zero to sixty-nine in under fifteen seconds.——Then this guy walked up to the lady behind the counter and said, ‘Do you keep stationery?’She said, ‘Well, right up to the last minute, then my toes curl up and I turn into an animal.’