Category: sex

Why did the lad get some gear?

Because he wanted it.

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking
about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they
have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings
up the subject of sex.

“Just how do you guys do it?” asks Maureen. “Pretty much the way you do,”
responds the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the
night and experience one another.

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.
He’s got only a teeny, weeny member about half an inch long and just a
quarter inch thick.

“I don’t think this is going to work,” says Maureen.

“Why?” he asks, “What’s the matter?”

“Well,” she replies, “It’s just not long enough to reach me!”

“No problem,” he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it’s quite
impressively long.

“Well,” she says, “That’s quite impressive, but it’s still pretty narrow.”

“No problem,” he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his
member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely
exciting to the woman.

“Wow!” she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their
separate ways.

As they walk along, Mike asks “Well, was it any good?”

“I hate to say it,” says Maureen, “but it was pretty wonderful. How about
you?”

“It was horrible,” he replies, All I got was a headache. All she kept
doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.”

One night, a cabby picked up a nun. While he was driving, the cabby suddenly started to laugh insanely.

“Why are you laughing?” Asked the nun.
“Oh, It’s nothing.” said the cabby.
“No, really.” said the nun “I won’t mind.”

So the Cabby told her:
“Well, It’s really silly but I’ve always had this fantasy of having a blow job done by a nun.”

“Well then, whats your name?” The nun asked
“Robert”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“Are you christian?”
“Yes.”
“Then Pull into the next alley.”

The cabby was stunned. but he didn’t want to give up this chance so he pulled into the next alley. When they were finished, they returned to the cab.

While driving, the cabby started to cry.
“Why are you crying?” asked the nun
“I’m sorry, I’ve lied.”
“How so?”
“Well, My name is David, I have a wife and three children, and I’m Jewish.”

“Well, I’ve done a bit of lying too…” smiled the nun “My name is George and I’m going to a costume party.”

Two gay men walk into a Room, Followed by a straight guy.
“Hey how you doin Man, Im Tom and this is my pal gerry!
“Nice to meet you fellas!Im Bill.
“So uh!Me and gerry came up with this game you wanna play.
“Uh sure says Bill how?
A FART IS A FILED GOAL
A BIRP IS A TOUCHDOWN
GO!
TOM:FARTS= FIELD Goal
Gerry: Burps=Touchdown

Bill:Farts=BLOCKED

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?”She responds, “No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?”

Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A. Gagged.

IF TWO COUPLES RACED TO CALIFORNIA; A COUPLE OF LESBIANS AND A COUPLE OF MALE GAYS WHICH COUPLE WOULD WIN? WHY THE LESBIANS WOULD WIN BECAUSE THEY WOULD GO “LICKETY-SPLIT””. THE MALE GAYS WOULD BE TOO SLOW “”PACKING THEIR SHIT””.

“

Why does Hellen Keller use one hand to masturbate?

Because she uses the other to moan.

a gal asked a boy, “do u think im pretty?”
“no”
“if i left wud u cry?”
“no”
“wud u like to touch my cunt?”
“no”
the girl felt hurt and walked away. but…
the guy grabbed her arm and turned her around
“ur not pretty, ur beautiful
if u left i wudnt cry, id die
i wudnt like to touch ur cunt, id like to be in ur cunt!”
and he shoved her into the bed and fucked her

A man and his wife got into bed for the night.
The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband
put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading,
he stopped and reached over to his wife and
started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very
short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.
The wife got up and started stripping in front of him.
The husband was confused and asked, “What the hell are doing,
taking all your jammies off?” The wife replied,
“You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for
something a bit heavier”.The husband said,
No! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages.

Did you hear about the new Catholic edition of Playboy? It’s got the same centerfold as the regular edition, but you have to pull it out at just the right moment.

There were these two old people that were on there 85th anervirsery. The old lady said to her husband why dont we do what we used to back in the day? So the next day they both came to the table to eat breakfist butt naked. They used to do that before they did it. So they were talking dirty while eating or whatever. She told her man that her nipples were on fire for him and she was ready. He said you stupid bi*ch thats cause one of your titties is in the creamer and the other in your coffie