Category: sex

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He couldn’t get his dick out of the chicken.

you might be a redneck if you have sex with your wife.

and your wife is your sister!!!!! 😉

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Boyfriends prayer Heavenly father, full of graceBless my boyfriends sexyfaceBless his hair that sometimes curl And keep him away from other girlsBless his hands that are so strongMake him keep them where they belongBless his arms i love to clench Bless his tongue i love to french Bless this man i want to marry Bless his child i want to carry Bless his legs that are so fastAnd don’t forget his big fat ass Bless his dick that is so firmBless the thickness of his sperm Bless the room that is so dark On my neck, he left his mark Bless my breast in which he sucked Bless the bed in which we fucked And if my mom walka in Bless his life that will surely end Amen By: Ashlow

There was this little boy named Bill who had a pet frog named Herman. He spent many hours and days with Herman and managed to train him like a dog. He would play fetch with Bill and roll over and play dead such like a dog would. His parents became worried about Bill and his frog that his frog might pee on the carpet and give them worts so herman was givin a spot in the yard near the back door. Bill fixed him a small rope and food & water. One morning Bill came out to play with Herman but in the mud of a tire track was herman. he had been ran over!. In tears Bill went upstairs and got his penny bank and went out the back door snatching up what was left of Herman and throwing him over his shoulder. His first stop was a local brothol or whore house. He gave a slight tap on the door and this beautiful sweet blonde came looking. He said down here mam, she bent down to Bill and said what can I do for you young man. he said I have $10.00 here mam and I need to have sex with you. And she said now wait why would a young man want to spend his money here with all the young gals out there ?. He said well mam I need a girl with Herpes, Crabs, VD and VD and more VD!. The pretty lady gave Bill a big smile and said look boy all of our girls are very clean here we dont have anyone like that and I am sorry I cant help you. Bill gave her a big frown and started to walk away and the lady said wait! look go down the road one block and turn left and go to the pink house on the corner and I think you will find what your looking for. So the boy went on his way and found the house. He stood up and smiled and knocked on the door. At that moment he heard a cough and then another cough and then he heard an old hag clearing her throat and spitting. Then out of the shadow he saw this nasty old ugly bitch that he could smell as she walked to the door. She said hello boy what can I do for you. He said mam I have $10.00 and I need sex with you and right now. She said look for $10.00 go get you a clean girl and he said no mam you dont understand I need to have sex with a whore that has Herpies, Crabs, VD STD and what ever else I can catch and then Im going home and have sex with my baby sitter and then dad is going to have sex with the baby sitter and then dad will have sex with mom and then mom will have sex with the fucking mail man and thats the sonofabitch I aim to get because he ran over my damn pet frog Herman!!!!!!!.

there was this rich guy
he had 3 sons
he give some golden ducks to each of them
he give the older son 3 ducks
he give the second oldest son 2 ducks
and he give the youngest son 1 duck
he said “take these ducks out in to the world and see what you
can do
the oldest son invested his money.
the second oldest put it in the bank.
the youngest son went out and found this ho and said I’ll give
you this duck if you fuck me and she said okay.
so they did and she thought he was so good she said I’ll give
you this duck back if you fuck me again so they did
when they finsh the boy left andsaw his shoe was untied so he
put the duck down and tied it.
while he did that a car ran over his duck and gave him 50$ for
his duck and left because he was in a hurry. when he got home
his dad said what did you do with your life and he said

“I got a duck for a fuck
a fuck for a duck and
fifty bucks for a fucked up duck.

a lady walks into a bank to deposit $20,000. the president of
the bank says “if u don’t mind me asking, where did you get all
of this money.”the lady says”i gamble, i make bets”. the banker
then asks “well what kind of bet would you make me?” the lady
says”i bet you $10,000 that this time next week your balls will
be square.” the man says “my balls, square!? you’ve got a bet
ma’am.”
for the next few days the banker checks himself everyday to be
sure that his balls weren’t turning square. on the week from the
day he see’s the woman walking down the street and checks
himself one last time and they were still round. well the woman
walks in with a man and the banker says “my balls are not square
i win the bet.” the lady says “well if you don’t mind i would
like to check myself i mean it is an awful lot of money.”the man
says “i guess your right”and drops his pants and tells her to
feel them. the man the women walked in with starts to bang his
head against the wall. the banker says “what is wrong with your
friend”the women says “thats my accountant and i bet him $20,000
that today i would be holding the president of the bank by the
balls!”

Little Johnny shared a bed with his teenaged sister. One night she snuck her boyfriend in so they could have sex. She told him in order to keep quite, she would tell him what speed to go by saying ham, turkey, or salami.
So they got busy…
Johnny was awakened by his sister screeching ham, turkey, salami! Ham, turkey, salami!!!
So he yelled at them ” Stop making sandwitches- you are getting mayonnaise all over me!!

deshaun is as stait as a circle

The manufacturers of KY Jelly have announced that their product is now fully Year 2000 compliant.

In the light of this they have now renamed it as: Y2KY Jelly.

Said a spokesman: “The main benefit of this revision to our product, is that you can now insert four digits into your date instead of two.”

I met a guy best of all, too many times I sucked his balls, I’ve fucked him sitting, I’ve fucked him lying, If he had wings I’d fuck him flying, and now he’s gone, but not forgotten, So I’ll dig him up and Fuck him rotten!

I met this gal in a bar, and one thing lead to another… I said, “Let’s go back to my place.”

She said, “Oh, do you have cable?”

I said, “No… But I have some old ropes that should hold just fine…”