Category: sex

14. Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.

13. Enjoy being a Sophomore — It will be the best three years of your life.

12. Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it’s all fun and games until someone loses their ‘nads.

11. Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.

10. Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative “home pharmaceuticals” business.

9. If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.

8. Boring lecture? Start a wave!

7. College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.

6. “I Phelta Thi” is *not* a real fraternity, except at state colleges.

5. Remember – almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.

4. Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.

3. Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.

2. Don’t think of it as sleeping with your professor — think of it as “acing Biology.”

1. In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.

What do you get when a stick and a table have sex?

A Wooden Table

An american business man was just transfered to a new firm with a large majority of japanese employees. He had his eye on his secretary for a few days and one Friday evening, after even left they went into his ofice to play around. They were on the couch makin passionate love and the woman, who was japanese, kept screaming “Etay, Etay!!”
The next day the business man went out to play a round of golf with his boss, also from japan. They were on the 9th hole and his Boss made a hole-in-one. Very excited for his boss and deciding to employ the one japanese word he had learned the previous night the business man jumped up and down yelling “Etay. Etay”
Puzzled, his boss looked at him and politely said “What do you mean wrong hole?”

Have you heard about the latest sensation? It’s called “Rodeo Sex”?

Thats when you mount your wife doggy style and in the middle of the sex act you bend over and whisper in her ear, “Your sister has a tighter pussy than you”, and try to hold on for 8 seconds!

The parts of the body were arguing who has the toughest job. The hand says ” I have the toughest job for I work all day lifting heavey things, typeing, writing, cooking etc.” The feet say “I have the toughest job for I have to drive, walk, run, and put up with smelly shoes all day” and the penis says “You think you got it bad! Everyday he shoves me into a deep dark whole and makes me do push ups untill i throw up!”

Three guys went to hell and saw a green laidy crying the divil heard and came in saying what the fuck are you crying about the laidy says i left my green baby then the divil tell the three men if you get this woman a green baby i wll set you free the men says cool the white guy trys nine month later a white baby come the white guy says i have failed the black guy trys with a green condom nine month later its a black baby he says i have also failed then the chinese guy fucks the lady nine month later a green baby apeers the divil says to the chinese guy you are free but tell me how did you gat a green baby to come out?
The chinese guy says ME CHINESE ME PLAY TRICK ME PUT CLOROXS ON MY DICK.

One day Bobby and Joey were having a catch by the river. Bobby threw the ball and it went over Joey’s head and down by the river. Joey said “I’ll go get it.” After five minutes Joey did not return so Bobby went after him. Bobby found him hiding behind a large rock by the river. Bobby said, “What are you doing down here?” Joey said “Shhh! Look in the river.” Bobby looked to find a young woman skinny-dipping in the river. They sat there watching for about 15 seconds and Bobby ran away. Joey went after him and, after he caught him, said “What the hell are you doing! We were just watching a NAKED woman swimming! Why did you run away?” And Bobby said “Well, my mom said that if I look at a naked woman I will turn to stone and I felt something get hard!”

A son asked his father : “Dad, what’s the difference between potential and reality?” (a question he was asked at school)

His father replied : “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

The son did this and returned that his mother would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. His father said : “Now go ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for a million dollars.”.

The son did this and later replied: “Sis said that she too would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

His father then said : “Go ask your brother if he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

The son getting rather irritated did this. He returned and said : “Ivor also said that he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. I am getting tired of asking people if they will sleep with the milkman please tell me what’s the difference between potential and reality?”

His father looked at him and said :”This family has the potential to make $3 000 000, but the reality is that we have two sluts and a homo in the family.” That’s the difference!

do you know why a ganster got pregnat?
because they told her to do an esse.(Ganster)

A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the wild thing. When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, “What happened to the other five condoms?”

His nervous reply was, “Er, I masturbated with them.”

Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, “Have you ever done that?”

“Yeah, once or twice,” he told her.

“You mean you’ve actually masturbated with a condom before?” she asked.

“Oh,” he said, “I thought you were asking if I’d ever lied to my girlfriend.”

When is a man most intelligent? Before,during,
or after sex??

DURING,because he is plugged into a know-it-all!!

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was
relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in
the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into
the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up
and said, “Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the
next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.”
“Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got
dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, “Say,” said the
druggist, “I know you – aren’t you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?”
“Yeah, so?” said the officer.
“Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?”