Category: sex

Hillbilly Sex Quiz

Study each question carefully. Then, choose the answer that seems most correct (True or False) and circle the T or F as appropriate.

1. A clitoris is a type of flower. T F

2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit. T F

3. “Spread Eagle” is an extinct bird. T F

4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe heart trouble. T F

5. Menstrual cycle has three (3) wheels. T F

6. A G-string is part of a violin. T F

7. Semen is another word for “sailor”. T F

8. Anus is the Latin word for “yearly”. T F

9. Testicles are found on an octopus. T F

10. Asphalt describes rectal troubles. T F

11. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. T F

12. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryan, Texas. T F

13. Coitus is a musical instrument. T F

14. Fetus is a character on “Gunsmoke”. T F

15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. T F

16. A condom is an apartment complex. T F

17. An organism is the person who accompanies the chior in church. T F

18. A diaphram is a drawing in geometry. T F

19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. T F

20. An erection is when the Japanese vote for their new government officials. T F

21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. T F

22. Sodomy is a special kind of fast-growing grass. T F

23. Pornography is the business of making record albums. T F

24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origins. T F

25. Douche is the Italian word for “twelve”. T F

26. An enema is someone who is not your friend. T F

27. Ovaries are a French egg dish made with cheese. T F

if you answer true to any of these questions, congradulations, you are a true hillbilly.

David goes to see a therapist. During the session, the therapist asks, “How is your sex life?”

“I have a lot of issues with sex,” David replies.

“What kind of issues?” the therapist asks.

“Oh, mostly Hustler, and Penthouse.”

What’s the difference between an epileptic oyster fisherman, and a hooker with diahrrea? Well, one shucks between fits.

What’s the difference between a nun and a fat lady? One’s tryin to diet, and the other’s dyin to try it…

I’m as confused as a hungry baby in a topless club!

Gorbachev called Clinton with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the Russian President cried. “My people’s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!”

“Mikhael, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,” replied the President.

“I do need your help,” said Gorbachev. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?”

“Why certainly! I’ll get right on it!” said Clinton.

“Oh, and one more small favor, please?”

“Yes?” “Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?”

“No problem,” replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan.

“I need a favor, you’ve got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia.”

“Consider it done,” said the President of Trojan.

“Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.”

“Easily done. Anything else?”

“Yeah,” said the President, “print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM’ on each one.”

Why do women have 2 mouths? So they can bitch and moan at the same time!!!

A guy walks into a whorehouse. On his dick it says “Shortie’s.” One of the whores felt bad for him so she gives him a blow job.All the other whores were laughing at her until they came out of the room. It turns out that his dick said “Shortie’s Bar and Grill in Albuquerque, New Mexico.” Submitted by Jeff Wynne

Q: Whats the Difference between a pregnent woman and a light bulb?

A: You can un screw the light bulb!!

One day a little girl came up to Santa Clause and sat on his lap. He said what do you want for Christmas. She said I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe. He said, I thought Barbie is suppose to come with Ken. She said, Barbie comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.

A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin.

A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows.

“You wanna wank?”, she asked.

“You bet,” came the excited reply.

“O.K.,” she said, “I come back in ten minutes.”

one day a fireman was working on his truck when next door to him was a little girl working on her firetruck which was a wagon,the fireman goes over and says “Nice firetruck,” the little girl replies “Thank you” theres a dog and a cat pulling the wagon. One rope tied to the dogs collar and the other rope tied to the cats testicles,the fireman says “It would be easier for the cat if u tied the rope around the cats collar,” the little girl replies,”That wont work,cause then i wont have a siren!”

A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings.

It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her “you have the nicest breasts”. She says “thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you”.

He replies “I would pay you $10 just to see one of them”. She thinks for a minute and decides to do it.

He says “Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw….I will give you another $10 if you show me both at the same time”.

She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home. She says “your best friend just stopped by”. He answers “Great did he leave the $20 he owed me”