Category: sex

Q. Do you know how to eat a frog?
A. You put one leg over each ear.

The beautiful princess frequently wandered through the woods searching for an enchanted frog who might actually be a handsome prince under a spell. One day she found an exceptionally ugly frog. Picking it up, she asked, “Are you a prince under a spell? If I kiss you, will you turn back into a prince?””Yes, I am, ” the frog said. “But it’s a heck of a spell. It’ll probably take a blow job.”

The night after the boss’s Christmas Party, I invited a couple
of my friends over to ask them what happenned to them last
night. They all seemed sure that their experiences were just
terrible. So I went up to my friend Bob, and asked him what
happenned.

He said, “Last night, I got so drunk that I couldn’t even walk
straight. When I got home I was so drunk that I blew chunks.”

“That is nothing,” my friend Todd said. “Last night I was really
drunk, and while I was driving home, I got pulled over for
D.U.I. Now I am going to have my license suspended.”

“That is nothing at all,” said my friend Larry. “Last night I
was so drunk when I walked in my house that I ended up in the
wrong bed. I thought I was sleeping with my wife, but I was
actually sleeping with the Nanny. My wife caught me in bed and
kicked me out of the house.”

Everyone was shocked at that, except for Bob.

He said, “Guys, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog!”

A man went to a woman in a bar and offered her 500 dollars for sex. He said that he did not have the money on him but he would mail her a check the next day. She agreed. The next day, the man changed his mind and had his secretary mail a check for 250 dollars with the following note:

Dear Madam, Here is money I owe for the apartment you showed me. You will note that it is less than the agreed upon amount because when I rented the apartment I was under the following assumptions…

that it was heated, that it had never been rented before and that it was much smaller than it was.

The woman promptly replied with, “Sir, here is your check back. As for the apartment, it is heated, you simply did not know how to turn it on. Secondly, how could ever think that such a beautiful apartment would sit vacant? And as for the size, it was just right and not my fault that you did not have the furniture to fill it!”

DAUGHTER:-MOM WHEN EVER I SEE THE BOY WHICH LEAVES BESIDE OUR HOUSE IN HIS UNDERWEAR MY BRA GETS TIGHT….WHY MOM!!!!!
MOM:-SEE WHEN EVER U SEE THAT BOY JUST WEAR THE BRA LITTLE DOWN THEN SEE HOW THE BOYS UNDERWEAR GETS TIGHTTTTT…….

Q. What is a lesbian’s favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar.

The manager of an Irish club was talking to a young player who had applied for
a trial with the club. ‘Do you kick with both feet?’ asked the manager.
‘Don’t be silly!’ said the trialist. ‘If I did that, I wouldn’t be able to
stand up, would I!�

One morning, this gay man woke up from a wonderful dream, only to hear his partner in the bathroom making grunting and moaning sounds. The gay man got out of bed, walked down the hall and opened the bathroom door. The gay man looked at his partner, masturbating with a condom on.”What the hell are you doing???” he asked his partner.The gay man’s partner looked up at him sheepishly, “Oh… I was just packing your lunch!”

A boy takes his girlfriend back to her home at night, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, “Sweetie, why don’t you give me a blowjob?””What ? You’re crazy???!!!””Don’t worry, it will be quick, no problem.””No!! Someone may see…a relative, a neighbor…””At this time of the night no one will notice.””I’ve already said NO!””Honey, it’s no big thing… I know you’d like it too.””NO!!! I’ve said NO!!!””My love… don’t be like that…”At this moment the older sister shows up at the door in a nightgown with her hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes, and says, “Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God’s sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the damn intercom!”

roses are red, violets are corny, when i think of you boy ,baby i get horny,
_eat me,
_beat me,
_bite me,
_blow me,
_suck me,
_fuck me,
very slowly, and if you kiss me dont be sassy use your tongue and make it nasty.

There were three fathers at a collage ceremony. The third father went to the bathroom. So one father said,”What should we talk about?” The other father said how about our sons. So they started talking. The first father said last night my son sold a million dollar house. Then the second father said last night my son sold a million dollar ferari. Then the third father came back. He asked what the other two fathers were talking about? They said their sons. The third father said last night my son got a million dollar house and million dollar ferari.

This purportedly true factiod just in from News of the Wierd: The Food and Drug Administration’s spokesperson on inquiries about the new anti-impotence pill Viagra is Janet Woodcock.