Category: sex

How do you make a nun pregnant?

Dress her up like an altar boy

in the nunary there are 300 sisters. one day in the nunnary the mother was angry and called them all into the hall. she said
“You all know that being a nun means no sex dont you?” 299 nuns chorused “YES” one giggled.
The mother said “in the dormitories a condom was found.” 299 nuns gasped, one giggled.
“also the condom was split” said the mother. 299 nuns giggled one gasped.

there are 2 old ladys sitting out side on there portch. it starts to rain one of the old ladys pulls out a condom and puts it over her ciggaret the other old lady says that why did u do that, she said so my ciggaret wont get wet , the other old ladys said thats a good idea.

the next day the other old lady goes to the groshery store and asked the cashier if she can get a condom the casheier said what size what color.
the old lady said that it doesnt mater what color just to beable to fit a CAMLE

A couple return from their honeymoon and it’s obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom’s best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong. ‘Well,’ replied the man, ‘when we had finished making love on the first night, I got up to go to the bathroom and I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking.’ ‘Oh, I shouldn’t worry about that too much,’ said his friend. ‘I’m sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can’t expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!’ The groom nodded gently and said, ‘I don’t know if I can get over it though, she gave me $20 change!’

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.

He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?”

She responds, “No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?”

in one of the primary school the teacher was teaching the class. as he was going with his lecture his eyes drops on a very cute boy, unfortunately master was a gay…at the end of the session he stop that cute boy and when all of the class evacuated he takes out his pants and asked the boy to play with his parrot.the little boy was confused and start playing with his penis”which he the teacher was mentioning as a parrot” .unfortunately the teacher dies and the police came over the place,the police asked the little boy what happened to him,the boy very innocently replay as something like this”iwas just playing with his parrot his parrot then spits on me so ihave broke his parrots eggs.

Mickey and Minnie are going to get a divorce and the Judge asks Mickey……So you say shes crazy?
He replies…….NO, I SAID SHE IS FUCKING GOOFY!!

I was just visiting some friends who have a real working farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend’s wife came out to feed them.

The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I stood there thinking to myself, “Damn ! I hope I never get that hungry.”

A fellow talking to his friend says, “How can I tell if my girl is a virgin?”Friend tells him, “You have to wait till you wedding night, you show it to her and ask what it is. If she calls it a penis, she’s a virgin. If she says it’s a cock, she’s been around.”So the guy gets married, and in the hotel room he flips it out to her and says “What is this?””That’s a penis!” she replies.”Great,” he sighs, “I thought you were going to call it a cock.””Of course not! A cock is twice as big!!”

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: “Sir, did you call for me?” Bob replies: “No, what do you mean?” She says: “You must be new here; let me explain. It’s a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me.” Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: “Sir, did you call for me?” Bob replies: “No, what do you mean?” The Huge Man: “You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me.” The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.

Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: “May I help you?” Bob says: “Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee.” Receptionist: “But Sir, you’ve only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities…..

“Bob replies: “Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day!

A mother and her son were flying ‘Southwest Airlines’ from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and said, ‘If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?’The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, ‘If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?’The stewardess asked, ‘Did your mother tell you to ask me?’ He said that his mother had. So the stewardess said, ‘Tell your mother that its because Southwest always pulls out on time.’

A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making love, she stooped down to pickup her husband’s clothes and accidentally let out a big fart. She looked up, smiled at him, and said:

“Excuse please…Front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud.”