Category: sex

One day a guy goes into a bar and sees a big jar full of Five
Dollar Bills on a table.

The guy asks the bartender, “what’s the jar for?”

The bartender says, “If you pay five dollars and do three tasks,
you could win a big prize.”

The guy puts in five dollars and the bartender says, “The three
things you have to do are: Drink a gallon of Tequila, Pull out a
loose tooth of a vicious Rottweiler and screw a 70 year old
virgin

The guy drinks the gallon of Tequila in a single gulp and he
gets drunk really fast.

The bartender says, “Go do what you have to do to the
Rottweiler.”

The guy goes outside and the bartender hears all of this
yelping, howling and screeching of the dog.

The guy comes in, still tanked, and says, “Where’s the lady with
the loose tooth?”

Whats the square root of 69?

ANSWER — EIGHT something

ONE DAY THERE WAS A THREE BOYS WHO WERE LATE FOR CLASS.

THE FIRST BOY WAS ONE HOUR LATEAND THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHY WERE YOU LATE FOR SCHOOL”?HE SAYS,”BECAUSE I WAS ON STRAWBERRYHILL”.

THEN THE SECOND BOYWAS TWO HOURS LATE FOR CLASS AND THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHY WERE YOU LATE FOR CLASS”?HE ANSWERED,”I WAS ON STRAWBERRYHILL”.

THEN THE THIRD BOY WAS THREE HOURS LATE FOR CLASS THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHY WERE YOU LATE FOR CLASS”?HE SAYS,”I WAS ON STRAWBERRYHILL”.

TEN MINUTES LATER A LITTLE GIRL WALKS IN AND THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHO MIGHT YOU BE”?SHE SAYS,”I AM STRAWBERRYHILL”!

20. The cucumber has left the salad.

19. I can see the gun of Navarone.

18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

17. You’ve got Windows on your laptop.

16. Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.

15. Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.

14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

12. Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson…

11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!

5. You’ve got your fly set for “Monica” instead of “Hillary.”

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction…

3. You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. I’m talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

1. I thought you were crazy, now I can clearly see your nuts.

So this guy is dreaming that he’s granted one wish by a genii. He wishes to wake up with three women in his bed. Sure enough, the dream was more than just a dream, and he wakes up with Lorena Bobbit, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton in his bed! He then notices he’s missing his thang, he knees are busted, and he doesn’t have any health insurance.

This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married.He and his new bride prepared for their wedding night. He watched for a while as she spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in preparation for their lovemaking. She finally announced she was ready. The man then asked if she still had that string of pearls necklace he admired so much.She replied she did indeed have it, but wondered what in the world he needed it for at a time like this.He looked again at all her “preparations” and replied, “Ain’t no way I’m gonna try to go into a mess like that without chains.”

Q. How can you tell a head nurse?
A. She’s the one with the dirty knees!

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a very shear blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to go out like that!

The teenager tells her “Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!” and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate….

The grandmother says. “Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets.”

Happy Gardening.

How is a girl like a screen door?The harder you bang it, the looser it gets.

Day1:

A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,”We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?”

Mum replies: “yes dear”

Day 2:

“We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?”

Mum replies: “yes dear”

Day 3:

“We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I’m a 36DD. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy?”

Mum replies: “No dear, it’s because your 25.

There was a man from hocketwho got blasted up in a rocketthe force of the blast blew his balls up his arseand they found his cock in his pocket

an old man went to a beach and say a sexy girl in a bikini. he went up to her and asked her”can i feel your sexy,juicy boobs?”

The girl said, “no way, get away from me old man.”
the guy said,” twenty dollars?”
“no”
“one hundred dollars?”
“no”
“two hunderd dollars?”
“no”
“five hundred dollars?”

the girl thought, what harm can it do? “sure”
the girl loosened her bikini and the man slipped his hand in her bikini.

while feeling her sexy,juicy boobs, the guy said, “OH MY GOD,OH MY GOD,OH MY GOD”

the girl said,”why do you keep saying OH MY GOD?

while continuing feeling her sexy,juicy boobs, he said “OH MY GOD,where am i going to get five hundred dollars?”