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This guy and this girl are rampantly having sex. During a lull in the passion, the guy asks the girl to turn over.
“Why?” asks the girl.
“Because I want to try something different,” says the guy.
“That’s perverted!” says the girl.
“What did you say?” asks the guy.
“I said that’s perverted.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not quite sure I heard properly – what did you say?”
“I said that’s perverted.”
“Shit,” says the guy, “that’s a big word for a five year-old.”
Q. Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
A. “Is it in?”
What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her panties?
Self-employed!
There was a man walking through the forest in China. He came up on a old house he rang the door bell and an old man answered. The man told him that he was out lost in the jungle for 3 days and couldnt find away out of the forest,and he asked if he could stay there for a while.The old man argreed that he could if he didn’t sleep with his grand daughter, because if he did there would be 3 of the worst chinese tortures inflicted upon him.So the old man took him upstairs to his room, but on the way the man caught a glimpse of the grand daughter naked and, with sure strive he made it to his room on the 2nd floor. About an hour later the grand daughter came in butt naked and they ended up sleeping together.When he woke the next mourning he found a rock on his chest under it was a card it read 1ST Chinese torture rock on chest. So the man picked up the rock and threw it out the window. Under the card he found another card which read 2nd Chinese torture left nutt tied to rock.So the man jumps out the window to chase after it when he noticed the old man and he was smiling. The old man held up a giagantic flash card and it read 3rd chinese torture right nutt tied to bed post.
Q. What’s the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
I walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar the other night and said, “Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?”
She said, “Do you like sex?”
I said, “Of course, I like sex.”
She said, “Do you like to travel?”
I said, “Yeah, I love to travel.”
She said, “Then fuck off.”
The name says it all.Masturbator Macarena 565K (mp3)
A woman went into a pet shop to buy her husband a pet. After
looking around she realized that all the pets there were very
expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the clerk.
“I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so
expensive”, she said.
“Well,” said the clerk, “I have a huge bullfrog in the back for
$50.00. Would you like to see it?”
“$50.00?? For a Frog??” asked the woman.
The clerk said, “It’s a special frog. It gives blow jobs.”
Well, the woman did not particularly enjoy giving head, so, she
thought this was a heck of a deal. She’d get her husband a gift
he’d surely enjoy, and she’d never have to do that again. The
woman decided to buy the frog.
She took it home to her husband and explained the strange gift.
Of course, the husband was a bit skeptical, but said for sure
he’d try it out that night. The woman went to bed that night
relieved knowing she’d never have to give another blow job.
About two in the morning, she woke up to hear pots and pans
banging around in the kitchen. She got up to go see what was
going on. When she got to the kitchen she saw her husband and
the frog, sitting at the kitchen table like best buddies,
looking through cookbooks.
“What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at this hour?”
asked the woman.
The guy looks up at her and says, “Well, if I can teach this
frog to cook, your ass is outta here.”
The teacher says, “Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is “beautiful”. Little Sally, would you please come up here and use “beautiful” in a sentence?”
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Teacher says, “Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn.”
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen.” Teacher says, “Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it’s your turn.”
Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said…
‘Beautiful, just fuckin’ BEATUIFUL!’ “
How to say, “i love you” in 20 different languages:
english . . . . . . . . . .i love you
spanish . . . . . . .. . te amo
french . . . . . . . . . . je t’aime
german . . . . . . . . . .lch liebe dich
japanese . . . . . . .. .ai s**** imasu
italian . . . . . . . . . .. ti amo
chinese . . . . . . . . . . wo ai ni
swedish . . . . . . . . . .jag alskar
alabama, arkansas, oklahoma, texas, louisiana, south carolina, georgia,
tennessee, west virginia, mississippi, north carolina and kentucky: … nice
tits!
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that
they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights
because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of
fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
“Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance,
at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast
one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast
one time.”
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great
idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one
time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times.”
oh baby