Category: sex

there was a guy who wanted a cherry lollipop, so he went to the store and bought a lollipop and when he opened it it was a dick!!

Q. Why did the lumber truck stop?
A. To let the lumber jack off.

A guy’s walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City and he runs into a hooker.He says, “How much?”She says “Twenty bucks.” He says, “All right.”They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her.The next night, he runs into the same hooker, they go under the boardwalk, only this time while he’s banging her, she blasts two incredible farts.When they get done, he hands her twenty-five dollars.She says, “What’s the extra five?”He says, “That’s for blowing the sand off my balls.”

three men were walking in the woods and they came across a rock, and under the rock was a snail. the snail saw the men and told them that if they help him out of the rock then he would grant them one wish each. so they got the snail out and he asked for their wishes. the white man asked for a dick made of steel, the chinese man asked for a dick made of wood, and the black man asked for a three mile long dick. the snail granted their wish and told them to come back the next day if they wanted to change. the next day the first 2 men came back and wanted their wishes changed because their dicks were hurting their girl friends. so the snail turned them back to normal and they left. the snail wondered about the black man so he went and found him and asked him if he liked his wish. the man said “i love it, watch this. you see black that girl way down there, waaaay down there, waaaaaaay down there?” the snail said yes. the black man said ” ungh i got her”

A man and a woman just got married, the woman who was a cheerleader desided to tease her new husband by doing some of her favorite cheers completely naked. Soon after she began her first cheer her husband screamed NO GOOD NO GOOD! Completely caught off guard she decided to move straight into her second cheer. Again, not long after begging her husband yelled out HELL YA!! and swooped her in his arm laying her on the bed and having wild wild sex with her for hours. The woman was really excited about this and decided to tell her best friend when she got home. As she relayed her story her friend asked her what the cheers were. The woman grinned and begin yelling them out
2 4 6 8 come on girls lets masturbate!!
the womans friend started laughing and asked her for the second cheer
sex is good
sex is fine
doggy style
69
just for fun
or getting paid
EVERYONE LOVES GETTING LAID!

=============================================================This item is being widely propagated over the net today. Preliminary reports indicate that it is NOT a joke, however A LOT of further research is indicated. =============================================================Had the most interesting conversation with the top sales weasel at our company today. She came into my office and noticed I had a box of Altoids on my desk. (Have you had them? They are these obnoxiously strong peppermints made in England.)As soon as she saw them, she burst into laughter.Turns out she had recently had an affair with a guy who called her and left her an incredibly steamy voice mail message after an encounter. He went on and on about what a blow job goddess she was, how amazing she was, how he’d never be the same, etc. She was kind of puzzled, thinking: what did I do to this guy that was so different from my regular technique? She finally figured it out: she’s a smoker, and before getting intimate with him, she had gone to the bathroom to ‘freshen up.’ Not having a toothbrush, she crunched on about four Altoids and then got busy. Apparently things went amazingly. So she passed this little tidbit on to another female sales weasel, who immediately tried it out on -her- fiance. Apparently this guy has never, ever been into oral sex, but liked the mint sensation so much that he asked her to stop and chew another Altoid mid-blow job. He is now a fellatio gourmand. This news has been going around our office. Having a box of Altoids on your desk is now like being part of the Secret Blowjob Goddess Society. It’s the equivalent of having the hottest car or coolest computer. News spread like crazy among the females, in the office who all went out at lunch to Walgreens to buy a box of Altoids (about $2 for 100 or so), and their partners across the city tonight are getting one hell of a corporate blow job.As far as company-wide morale boosting events, it doesn’t get much better. Some of the men found out, too — they went out after work to buy them for their wives. They strategized on how to get their wives to eat them. And people wonder why I work in technology. (For what it’s worth — it really does work! It leaves a lasting tingle that is apparently quite exquisite.)

Three leprechans die and go to heaven.
The first one asks god “Are there any midget nuns in Ireland?” God said “No son, there are no midget nuns in Ireland” The second leprechan starts to giggle and the third one hushes him.
The first one asks god again ” Are there any midget nuns in all of Europe?” God said “No son, there are no midget nuns in all of Europe” The second one laughs louder and the third one hushes him again.
So the first one asks “Are there any midget nuns in the whole world?” God replied “No son, there are no miget nuns in all of the world.”
So this time the third one cracks up and the second one says “See, i told you, you fucked a penguin!”

one day bob died and went to hell. the devil said you can pick one of three rooms to spend eternity in. so in the first room the were guys cleaning up crap. in the second room there was guys swimming in pee. he went to the third room in that room he saw a suzy and bill were doing it. the devil said to bob which room you want. bob said i will take the third room. the devil said suzy im puttig you into room number two . the devil said bill and bob have a “GAY” time.

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of
drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the
bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, “See that,
baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder’s pose, and says, referring to
his bulging thighs, “See those, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She is
aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her
purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, “Why are you in such a
hurry to go?”

She replies, “With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid
you were about to blow!”

A man and his date were strolling the streets of New York City
on a Friday afternoon. Presently, they came upon a furrier
selling fine imported fur coats. The man suggested she try some
on, and she agreed. After trying several on, she found one that
was perfect.

“This one is absoulutely LOVELY!” she exclaimed to her
boyfriend. “Well, okay, if you want it I guess we’ll take it,”
he told the furrier. To this, the furrier replied,

“Sir that is a fine coat of Mink, and it looks lovely on you,
ma’am, but it is a $50,000 coat!” “Excellent!” the man said,
“will you take a personal check?” “Of course, sir, but you will
have to wait until Monday so the check can get cleared.” “Very
well.” said the man, writing the check and handing it over to
the furrier, all in the eyes of his companion. The couple walked
on, and the girl couldn’t believe her date would spend that much
money on her, for a coat, too!!!

Monday rolled around and the man went to the furrier to pick up
the coat. When he got there, the furrier greeted him and then
frowned, “Sir, are you aware that there are only $584 in your
checking account? I’m afraid you cannot have this coat.” “Yes,
I’m more than well aware of this,” replied the man with a great
big grin on his face, “but let me tell you, with her thinking
that coat was hers, I had the weekend of my life!”

The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

She said “well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine”.

“Well, what did he want to do?”

they all asked.

She said ” I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn’t have that much”.

“So I told him that oral sex would be $75, but he didn’t have that much either”.

“Finally I said, well, how much do you have”?

The new hooker said “well, for $25 all I can do is service you by hand”

He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said “he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand…”

“Oh my god” they all exclaimed, “it must have been huge, then what did you do?”

With a big smile on her face, she said.

“I loaned him $75!”

Q. Why can’t women read maps?
A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a
mile.