Category: sex

Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face moaning, “Lie to me!”

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his wife of fifty years suggested
they take a cruise: “We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like
we did when we were young!” He thought it over and agreed.
He put on his hat and went down to the pharmacy, where he bought a bottle of
seasick pills and a box of condoms. Upon returning home, his wife said ”I’ve
been thinking. There is no reason we can’t go for a month.” So Mr. Johnson went
back to the pharmacy and asked for twelve bottles of seasick pills and a box of
condoms. When he returned his wife said, ”You know, since the children are on
their own, what’s stopping us from cruising the world?”

So back to the pharmacy he went, and brought 297 bottles of seasick pills and
the same amount of condoms up to the counter. The pharmacist finally had to ask.

“You know, Mr. Johnson, you have been doing business with me for over thirty
years. I certainly don’t mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the
hell do you do it?”

What does Marcuz say to Ayla when they wake up in the morning……That was NASTY give me back my ten dollars!!!

Tired of the boring “straights” she’d been laying, a gal decided she’d find out if bikers were really the heavy “cocksmen” that she heard they were.So she picked up a gigantic biker and went with him up to his pad. Stripped and ready, anxiously awaiting some real action, she was astonished to see that his fully erect dick was only two inches long.”Who,” she demanded scornfully, “do you think you’re gonna satisfy with that?”Grinning confidently, the biker replied, ” Me!”

Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.

Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!

One day a young man about the age of 25 was walking along the sidewalk in the park. Then all of a sudden he looks up form hearing the sound of an old man sobbing.”What’s wrong?” said the young man.”Well it’s nothing really.” said the old man.”It has to be something. Tell me about it” said the you man.Well, everyday after I wake up in the morning, me and my wife have wild sex. Then I leave for work” the old man said.”That’s not bad” the young man said.”Well, when I get home from work, my wife has already finished making lunch for me and her. Then after lunch we have more wild sex.” the old man said.”That’s not bad at all. There’s no reason why you should be sobbing.” said the young man.”When we finish making love, I go back to work at my second job. Then i come home and by that time, my wife is finished making supper. Then we eat and have wild sex again through out the night.” the old man said.”If you are having sex all day, then why so glum?” the young man said.Then the old man finally says why he is so glum, “I forgot where I live!”

A Guy rings work to say he wont be in today because hes sick….Boss says , oh how sick are you?
Guy replies ..well im at home Fucking my sister , thats Damn sick……….

There is a fish in a pond looking up thinking to himself if that fly drops down then i can jump out and get it, theres a bear behind the fish he says if the fly drops and the fish goes to eat it then I can get the fish, theres a hunter behind the bear and he says if the fly drops and the fish goes for the fly then the bear goes for the fish then I can shoot the bear, theres a mouse behind the hunter and he says if the fly drops and the fish goes for it and the bear goes for the fish and the hunter shoots the bear then the hunter will drop his cheese sandwitch and i can get it, theres a cat behind the mouse and he says if the fly drops and the fish goes for it and the bear goes for the fish and the hunter shoots the bear and drops his sandwitch then the mouse goes to eat it then i can get the mouse. Well the fly drops and the fish gets it the bear gets the fish the hunter gets the bear the mouse gets the sandwitch and then the cat goes for the mouse but over jumps and lands in the lake.

moral of the story: When the fly drops the pussy always gets wet.

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what, metal, wood, plastic-anything she touched would melt!Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, “If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured,”The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king’s wealth.Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too went away disappointed.The third prince approached. He told the princess, “Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.” The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.Question:What was the object in the prince’s pants? (Scroll down for the answer.)What the princess touched was especially designed to melt in her mouth, not in her hand – it was an M&M. (Now what were you thinking?)

Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well hung.

Whats the difference between a penis and a prick?
A penis is sexually satisfying; a prick is the guy it belongs to!