Once upon a time, a few years before all those nasty divorces, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of England and Lady Di were out for a drive in one of the Queen’s Range Rovers. Suddenly some armed robbers leaped out of the bushes and stopped the car.’Give us the money’ they shouted at the Queen.’But I’m the Queen of England, I have no need for money, thus I never carry any.”Oh, blimey’, said the leader of the armed band, and turned to Lady Di.’Give us yer jewels.”But I don’t wear my jewels all the time, only on state occasions.’The armed robbers looked fed up when suddenly they heard the sound of wailing sirens approaching. ‘Quick, out of the car. We’ll have the Range Rover at least’, and with that the robbers drove off.As the Queen and Di are waiting for the police to get there, Di turns to the Queen, and asks: ‘So, what did you do to all the cash you had? You’re always loaded.”Ah,’ said the Queen, ‘I saw the robbers and in the few seconds before they got to the car I rolled up my notes and tucked them into that little place that women have. Reaching under her skirt, she produced several thousand pounds in notes.’And what did you do with your jewels? You always wear lots of jewelery, my dear’ the Queen says to Di.’Well, like you, in those few seconds before the robbers got to the car, I slipped off my rings, necklaces and tiara, and like you, slipped them into that little place that only women have.’ Reaching down, she plucks out her jewelery.They both smile, knowingly at each other. After sitting quietly for a few moments, the Queen turned to Di, and with all the grace and dignity one should expect of the Queen of the British Empire, said: says ‘You know, if Fergie had been with us, we would still have that Range Rover.’
Category: sex
Faster, faster, faster!
Q. What does a female snail say during sex?
A. Faster, faster, faster!
An old man
An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini – “I
want to feel your breasts” he exclaimed.
“Get away from me, you crazy old man” she replied.
“I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars,” he says.
“Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!”
“I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS” he stated.
“NO! Get away from me!”
“TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS” he offered.
She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and says, “I said
NO!”
“FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts,” he exclaimed.
She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough… and $500 IS a lot
of money… “Well, OK… but only for a minute.”
She loosened her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he
slid his hands underneath and began to feel… then he started saying, “OH MY
GOD… OH MY GOD… OH MY GOD…” while he was caressing them.
Out of curiosity, she asked him, “Why do you keep saying, ‘Oh my god, oh my
god’?”
While continuing to feel her breasts he answered, “OH MY GOD… OH MY GOD…
OH MY GOD… OH MY GOD, where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?”
Dicks
if there were a hundred dicks on the wall which would you choke on
pro none of them
medium pro 50
amateur every dam one
What did the Dick say to the Condom…..
What did the Dick say to the Condom?
Cover me im going in!!!
Ten minutes of silence!
Q. What’s the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence!
Shit
i like to hav esex with my mother
Farm Couple
Once there was an elderly couple that lived on a farm. One day the farmer came to his wife and grabbed her boobs.He said, “If we could get milk out of these things, we could get rid of the cows.”The next day he approached her, grabbed her butt, and said, “If we could get eggs out of this thing, we could get rid of the chickens.”His wife turned around, reached between his legs, and said, “If you could get this hard, we could get rid of your brother.”
Ooooooooooooooopppppppppssssssssss!!!!!!!!
Q.What is the difference between a lighbulb and a pregnant lady?
A.You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Erection Sets.
Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.
Kiss it and make it better
Little Johnny had hurt his finger while working on his model airplane. He ran to his mother, who kissed the wound and made it better.On the way to the store a little later, Johnny fell off his bike and scraped his knee. He ran to his mother, who kissed it and made it better.Returning from the store, Johnny ran into the town bully, who kicked him in a very private part of his anatomy. Johnny rushed home.His mother said, “Son, you’re getting more like your father every day!”
Conversation of a dick and a condom
Q: what did the dick say to the condom?
A:cover me im going in