Category: sex

There was a lumberjack who got horny one day. So he asked his boss what if I get horny. You go to the fukin tree and stick your dick in the hole. So next day he went there and it felt good. Next day he got horny and went again and it felt better. Next day he went there and nothing happened. So he went to the boss and asked him why. The boss said its your day in the tree.

A man decides that he wants to become king of the world so he
goes to the wise man of their village. He asks the wise man “how
do i become the king of the world”? The wise man answers “if you
have sex with an eskimo and kill a polar bear then I will make
you king once you have come back”. So the man goes out to try to
complete the task. Three weeks have passed and finally he comes
back. The wise man has never seen somebody such a mess he was
all bloody and cuts and bruises all over him. The wise man asks
“what happened to you”? He repplies “I did just what you told
me. I killed the eskimo and…

Airy Sex
Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Q. What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A. A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.

Q. What is the first sign of AIDS?
A. A pounding sensation in the ass.

What’s the difference between Caviar & a Blowjob?

No Difference, you don’t get either of them at home!

One day, Superman was flying across the sky, and he notices Wonderwoman lying asleep, but STARK NAKED on a beach blanket.
So.. he decided to go down & get some.

So after he had done the deed, he flew away. Then Wonderwoman got up and said “What was THAT?” And the invisible man said “I don’t know… but my butt sure hurts.”

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

Q. Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Question: If I have a chicken and you have a donkey and your donkey ate both the feet off of my chicken what do you have?

Answer: Two feet of my cock in your ass.

What do you call a closet full of lesbians?

A liquor cabinet.

A man is going on a business trip to New Orleans and has to take his wife. So
they catch the plane there. And as soon as they arrive the man gets called back,
and to be nice to his wife he tells her to stay and enjoy her vacation. So the
day before the man is scheduled to leave him starts thinking what if she cheats
on me out of boredom, so he decides to go to the sex shop and bye her toy. When
he arrives he asks the manager if he has anything really special. So the manager
tells him that he does have a really old dildo with magical powers, and the man
replies yeah right. So the manager says voodoo dick the door and the dildo gets
up and flees at the door and starts pecking at it, then the manager says voodoo
dick box and the dildo flies back into its box. The man instantly replies I�ll
take it, but the manager replies it is not for sale, but u can rent it. So the
man takes it to his wife and tells her the story, but she doesn’t believe him
either, so the man replies voodoo dick the water melon. The dildo goes flying
into the water melon. The wife is so happy about her present she makes
passionate love to her husband. The next day the husband leaves. After a few
days the wife starts getting board and decides to use her present. So she says
voodoo dick my pussy, so the dildo does what it is told and goes into her
vagina. After a while the woman realizes she doesn’t know how to turn it off. So
she gets in her car and heads for the hospital, on the way she is having so many
orgasms that she is swerving all over the road. after a while she gets pulled
over by a cop, and the cop says why are u driving like a maniac, and the woman
replies well there is this voodoo dick, and it is giving me orgasms, and all of
a sudden the cop shouts VOODO DICK MY ASS!!!