Category: sex

A girl and her mom go to the zoo. When they arrive at the monkey
section they notice two chimps fucking. The girl goes up to her
mom and askes her mom what are they doing. The mother thinks for
a while and tells her that the are making cupcakes. The mother
quickly takes the girls hand and walks away from the cage. The
next day the girl and her mom are sitting on a bench at the
park. They look across the road and notice there are two
teenagers having sex in the bushes. The girl surprised askes her
mother what the are doing. She quickly answers they are making
cupcakes. The mother picks up her daughter and runs home. The
next day the girl goes up to her mom and tells her that she knew
her and her father were making cupcakes the previous night. The
mother surprised asks her how she knows this. The girl looks at
her mother and answers, “I licked the frosting of the bed.”

A midget went into a whorehouse. None of the girls really wanted to serve him, So finally they drew lots and Mitzi was unlucky and went up to the room with him. A minute later, there was a loud scream. The Madam and all of the girls charged up the staircase and into the room. Mitzi lay on the floor in a dead faint.

Standing next to the bed was the midget, nude and with a three foot cock hanging down and almost touching the floor. The girls were dumbfounded by the sight. Finally, one of them regained her composure to say, “Sir, would you mind if we felt it? We’ve never seen anything like that before.”

The midget sighed. “Okay, honey; But only touching. No sucking. I used to be six feet tall.”

an elderly couple visit there local chemist. The husband goes up to the cashier.

“can i have some condoms miss”
“Where going on a naughty weekend”

Cashier replies “but you folk must be nearly 70 there is no chance of your wife getting pregnant”

“I know” says the old man “But she loves the smell of BURNING RUBBER”

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime of her career, started
losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went
to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate
surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that
she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor’s office. Part of her
work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her
work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor’s
office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall,
and asked the doctor, ”What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly
painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?”

”Thank God I’m not a gynecologist.”

Q. What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A. A pubic hair.

Little Jenny came home from school one day and she ran straight to the bathroom and started to cry. Her mother, concerned about her went in and asked what was wrong.

“Well,” replied Jenny, “we just learned in health class that the baby comes out where the boy’s penis goes in. Is that true?”

“Sure honey, but that’s nothing to cry about,” said her mother.

Then Jenny replied, “But when I have Johnny’s baby, I’m afraid it’ll knock out a few of my teeth!”

Q. What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbian�s apartment?
A. Potpourri.

Q=what does a women and the ketchup have in common A=they both give taste to winners

One day a boy named Agaf was incredibly horny. He loved the
queen. Just one suck of those huge firm tits would make him
happy for life. He went to the village elder (wise man) to find
out how to cure his quarms.

“I need to suck the queens breasts,” Agaf said. “How much are
you paying?” the elder asked. “Nothing is free!” “A million
pounds,” Agaf lied. He was going to get the suck and then not
pay becase once he had the suck nothing else mattered. “OK.”

So the elder sneaked into the castle and poured some itching
powder into the queens bra. The itch would last two whole days.
When the queen put on her bra a horrible itch ran around her
breasts. She was screaming all through the night. The pain was
obsurd.

In the morning the king had had enough of the screaming so the
king asked the elder for help, as you do! Everything was going
to plan so far!

“Elder,” the king said. “My wife is in immense pain because she
has got a pain in her breasts.” “I know what to do!” the elder
said. “Go to the hut of Agaf. He is the only one wth the magical
saliva to cure the itch. You will have to let him suck your wifs
breasts for ten minutes and tommorow it will have gone.” The
king wasn’t happy about this but he agreed.

So Agaf was called up and he sucked them for ten minutes flat,
and the itch stopped that night because it only lasted for two
days anyway.

So then the elder called in Agaf and said, “You got your wish.
Now pay me!” “No chance wanker!” Agaf said and walked out.

So the elder thought long and hard for a punishment, something
that would be bad for Agaf. He thought and thought, until he got
it… He would put itching powder in the kings underpants!

Q. What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day?
A. He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm “Jersey”

Nina and Liz are having a conversation during their lunch break.

Nina asks, “So, Liz, how’s your sex life these days?”

Liz replies, “Oh, you know. It’s the usual, Social Security kind.”

“Social Security?” Nina asked quizzically.

“Yeah, you get a little each month, but it’s not enough to live on.”

A man decides that he wants to become king of the world so he
goes to the wise man of their village. He asks the wise man “how
do i become the king of the world”? The wise man answers “if you
have sex with an eskimo and kill a polar bear then I will make
you king once you have come back”. So the man goes out to try to
complete the task. Three weeks have passed and finally he comes
back. The wise man has never seen somebody such a mess he was
all bloody and cuts and bruises all over him. The wise man asks
“what happened to you”? He repplies “I did just what you told
me. I killed the eskimo and…