Category: sex

Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you’re feeding a
horse.

Q. What is an Austrailian kiss?
A. Same as a french but down under!!!

There’s a guy named John, and he has a girlfriend named Wendy. John loves Wendy a lot. To prove how much he loves her, he gets “Wendy” tattooed on his penis. When it’s erect, it says her name, and when deflated, it reads “Wy”. So, when she sees her name on his masculine member, she is overwhelmed. He pops the question, and she accepts.

They decide to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. Once there, they try out all the local culture, including a nude beach. They are having a great time, when John decides to get up from sunbathing and get something to drink at the beach bar. He walks over to the bar with his deflated love muscle, trying not to let his eye wander and end up embarrassing himself.

He orders a drink from the guy at the bar, who is also naked. He is surprised to note that the bartender also has “Wy” tattooed on his penis!

John says to the guy, “Wow, what a coincidence. So, you have a girlfriend named ”Wendy” and her name is tattooed on your dick too?”

The bartender looks slowly down at John’s thing, back to his and starts laughing. Flashing a wide grin, he says, “No, mon. Mine says ”Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day.””

One day my teacher Mrs.rosolak was fucking her dad, who was fucking her mom, who was fucking another teacher named Mr.Della Penna, who was fucking Osama Bin Laden, who was fucking a student named Brandon Brassett, who was fucking Mrs.Rosolak. Now do you know what S.O.S. (square of sex) means now?

A mom, dad, and daughter were camping in the woods one weekend
and the daughter saw a couple having sex in the woods. The
daughter asked her mom what they were doing. The mom answered, “
They’re baking cake.”

The following week the daughter asked the mother if her and her
dad were baking cake last night. The mom asked ,”How did you
know that?” The little girl said ,”Because i licked the frosting
off the couch.”

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist beach?
The one who can hold 12 donuts and 2 cups of coffee.

Who is the most popular girl?
The one who can eat the last donut.

One day a woman walked into a artist studio. One of the artists
asked her what he could do for her and she said “I would like
you to paint a portrait of my husbands last thoughts.” The
artist said “Ok, how did he die?” She replied, “He was killed
on a cattle drive by a thousand indians.” After a moment the
artist tells her to come back tomorrow. The next day she comes
in and he hands her the picture. She looks at it and asked “How
does a cow wearing a haylo, and a bunch of indians having sex
have to do with my husbands last thoughts?” The artist replied
“Miss, im sure your husbands last thoughts were, Holly cow look
at all those f*cking indians!”

A beautiful young lady was a traveling sales person and her car broke down way out in the country. She checked the car as best she could but couldn’t find what was wrong. It was starting to get dark so she decided she had better find shelter for the night.

She found a farm house a short distance up the road and knocked on the door. The farmer answered the door and asked her what she needed. She told the farmer that her car was broken down and she needed a place to stay for the night.

The Farmer told Her he only had two bedrooms, He and his wife used one and their 18 year old son use the other. The Farmer thought about it a minute and said my son went to town and won’t be home until late and he has a big bed anyhow if you want you can sleep in his bed tonight. She thought to her self, Wow 18 year old dick tonight, and said to the

farmer that would be fine.

After a nice supper they all went to bed. She took all of her clothes off and lay spread eagle on the bed waiting for the boy. About three in the morning the boy comes in gets undressed and goes to bed. She waited a while, sure that he would be making advances, but

nothing happened.

After a little while she thought, Well maybe he’s shy, so she said could you switch sides of the bed with me, thinking he may get her on the way over.

He got up and walked around and got into the bed on the other side. She lay there a little longer and decided to try it again.

Again, he got up and walked around and got into the bed on the other side. She figured there is only one way to make this hick understand, so she rolled over right on top of him and said “OK now do you know what I want?”

He said, “Yeah, you want the whole damn bed.”

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, “Sir, I asked to see your ticket, not your stub.”

a man goes in to a bar one night and spots a blond at the bar.
he goes up and says “hi the names bond”
the blond replies”ohhh dont tell me james bond”
the man says”no unibond i am here to fill your crack”…………………………

Q. Why don’t women wear watches?
A. There’s a clock on the stove!

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, ”I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, ”Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”