Category: sex

MEN ARE ENGLISH:

“I’m hungry.” = I’m hungry.

“I’m sleepy.” = I’m sleepy.

“I’m tired.” = I’m tired.

“Do you want to go to a movie?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

“Can I take you out to dinner?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

“Can I call you sometime?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

“May I have this dance?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

“Nice dress!” = Nice cleavage!

“You look tense; let me give you a massage.” = I want to fondle you.

“What’s wrong?” = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you
going through now?

“What’s wrong?” = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

“I’m bored.” = Do you want to have sex?

“I love you.” = Let’s have sex now.

“I love you, too.” = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!

“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.” = I liked it better before.

“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.” = $50 and it doesn’t look that much
different!

“Let’s talk.” = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a
deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me.

“Will you marry me?” = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with
other guys.

And FINALLY… (While shopping) “I like that one better.” = Just pick ANY
dress and let’s go home!

A guy’s getting married on Saturday. Friday night, his friends take him out, get him waylaid, bylaid, rolaid, mislaid, up, down, up, bing, bang, boom, forget it, his pecker is a mangled mess, he doesn’t know what to do.

He takes two popsicle sticks, puts them along side his dick, and wraps it with adhesive tape. The next day he gets married.

Here they are in their honeymoon suite…she walks out stark naked… She says, “Look, honey. Untouched by human hands.”

He’s gotta think quick… He pulls down his pants and says, “Look! Hah! Not even out of the crate.”

A small boy hears a noise coming from upstairs,he shouts to his mum and dad to find out what they are doing.His mum replies just having bacon and eggs son.A few days later the small boy hears the same noise again upstairs,he stands at the bottom of the stairs and sees his mum coming down.Have you been having bacon and eggs,yes said his mum how do you know.The boy replied i can see BACON FAT DRIPPING DOWN YOUR LEG

A guy wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can’t remember anything he did last night. He picks up his dressing gown from the floor and puts it on. He notices there’s something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra.

He thinks to himself, “Uh oh. What happened last night?” He walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his gown.

Again he thinks, “What happened last night. What have I done? It must have been a wild party,” making his best attempt to conclude and accept the evidence.

He opens the bathroom door, walks in and has a look in the mirror. He notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his only thought is “If there’s a God, please let this be a tea bag.”

On the wedding night of the newly wedded royal couple, they wanted to make sure everything was done according to proper etiquette. So she begins and says, “Sir, I offer you my honor.”

He replies, “I honor your offer.”

And that’s how it goes all night. Honor, offer. Honor, offer. Honor, offer.

A professor was asked to give a talk on “Sex”.

When his turn came, he stood, walked to the podium, and adjusted the
microphone just so. He said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure
..”

And he sat back down.

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

Once upon a time a guy cooked his wienrcock the end

Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.

In a small town some where in Illinois lies a family. It consisted of a husband, wife, three sons, and a daughter. One of the sons had a terrible secret.”Dad, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m gay,” said the son.The Dad was furious he couldn’t believe that one of his sons was gay.A year had passed and his second son approached him and told a very bad secret.”Dad, I’m sorry to disappoint you but I’m gay.”The Dad went crazy again, he couldn’t believe that two out of three sons were gays.Another year had passed and the third son came forward. “Dad I know you’re not going to want to hear this but, I’m gay.The Dad was enraged he started shouting “DOESN’T ANYONE IN THIS FAMILY LIKE GIRLS ANYMORE?!!”The daughter said, “I do, I do!”

An elephant was walking through the jungle. He stepped on a
thorn and started to cry. “OW, OW! This hurts! Somebody help
me!” Just then, a little mouse passed by.

“Oh, please, little mouse!” the elephant pleaded. “Please take
this thorn out of my foot! It really hurts!”

“No Way!!” cried the mouse. “I know you! You stepped on my
brother last week!”

“I’m sorry about that! Just, please! Help me! I’ll do anything!”
cried the elephant.

“Anything?” replied the mouse skeptically.

“Yes! I promise!” swore the elephant.

“Well, okay!” said the mouse.

So the mouse pulled the thorn out of the elephant’s foot,
causing instant relief.

“Thank you little mouse!” said the elephant. “What can I do to
repay you?”

The mouse smiled and said, “Now, you have to let me have my way
with you.”

The elephant was horrified. But, he did promise the mouse he’d
do anything, so he reluctantly obliged.

So the mouse climbed on top of the elephant and started fucking
him as fast as his little mouse body could.

Just then, some monkeys were sitting in a tree, watching,
disgusted at this mouse fucking an elephant. So they started
throwing coconuts at the elephant’s head.

“Ow!” cried the elephant as the coconuts bashed his tender
skull. “That hurts! Stop it!”

The mouse kept going and said, “Yeah! Take it all, bitch! Take
it all!”

there were two twins, Elikem And Stephen. They liked to fool to people and laugh at them as their hobbies.

One day, they met a man called Majibo. A very big headed man with a big body a heavy black boo.

They started to laugh at him.
Then Majibo shouted to his friend to catch him.
This is what ensued between the twins and MAjibo when they were broight to him.

Majibo: Why did you boys laugh at me

The Twins: We were not laughing at you but your black heavy boo and body

Majibo: ok, come over here

majibo called some of his friends to call them and he said that they should be naked right away.

The Twins : why are you doing this majibo, dont you have some of our boos.

Majibo: do you want to see it??

The Twins : yes of course

the majibo removed his boo and he used his kortie to beat them until they bevame fat as him.

by :
Emmanuel and Abideen