Category: sex

Q. What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, “Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.”

“Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, “Say,” said the druggist, “aren’t you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?”

“Yes, I am,” said the officer.

“Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief’s uniform?”

A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examining her, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps so he says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it out by putting honey on his penis and withdrawing as soon as he feels the wasp. And so the honey is smeared, but because of his wife’s screaming and his frantic dash to the doctor and the general panic, he just can’t rise to the occasion. So the doctor says he’ll perform the deed if the husband and wife don’t object. Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage, so the doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on and instantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug the wife. Only he doesn’t stop and withdraw but continues with vigor. The husband shouts, ‘What the hell’s happening?’ To which the doctor replies, ‘Change of plan. I’m going to drown the bastard!!!

This lady that was wearing a tight skirt was waiting at the bus stop to get
onto the bus. A bus pulled up and the driver opened the doors. She tried to step
up onto the step but her skirt was too tight. So she reached back to unzip and
loosen it a little. She tried to step up onto the steps again. But it was still
too tight. She reached back and unzipped some more. Tried to step up again and
the skirt was still too tight. She tried one more time. She reached back and
unzipped some more. And she still couldn�t get up onto the bus. So this man
behind her reaches and grabs her by the butt. He gives her a boost onto the bus.
She turns around and slaps him and saying “What do you think you are doing.”
Well the man says “Well lady after you unzipped my pants for the third time I
thought we were acquainted.”

Q.) What do you get when you catch a woman having sex between two guys?

A.) A tunafish sandwitch

Why do you have to wrap duct tape around a gerbil?

So that it doesn’t explode when you sodomize it.

There is a husband an wife in the shower and the doorbell rings the wife gets out puts on her robe and goes to answer the door it is the husbands best friend so instead of bothering the husband she talks to him herself
Out of no wher the man says i have $100 if you let me see your boobs the woman really didnt want to but was desprate
Then he says i have aanother $100 if you let me touch them desprate she says ok
Then he says i hav another $200 if you let me rub my face in them she says ok
then he leaves
the husband comes out becuase he was wondering what was taking so long and the wife says oh bob just stoped by and he said oh did he leave the $400 he ows me?

A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two week cruise for his girlfriend and himself. A couple of days before the cruise, the travel agent phones and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy agrees and goes to the drugstore to buy three Dramamine and three condoms.

Next day, the agent calls back and says he now can book a five-day cruise. The guy says he’ll take it and returns to the same pharmacy and buys two more Dramamine and two more condoms.

The following day, the travel agent calls again and says he can now book an eight-day cruise. The guy agrees and goes back to the drugstore and asks for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.

Finally, the pharmacist asks, “Look, if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it?”

Q. What is a zebra?
A. 26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.

Q. what is the definition of “making love”?
a. something a woman does while a guy is f****** her.

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday, as they had not been dating very long. After careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note… romantic, but not too personal.Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Sears and bought a pair of white gloves.The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.Without checking the contents, he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:Darling, I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled; I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.All my love, JimmieP.S. – The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

THERE WAS A GIRL THAT WANTED TO GO OUT FOR THE NIGHT BUT HER DAD WOULDNT LET HER, SHE KEPT BEGGIN & BEGGIN, FINNALY HERE DAD SAID,”OKAY YOU WANNA GO OUT, SUCK IT!!” SHE STARTED TO TO AND SAID,”EWWW IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT !!! HE SAID YEAH YOUR BROTHER JUST BORROWED THE CAR !!!