Category: science

Cesium (All through the Night)(Tune, Fever)(1)Never know how much I need you,Never know how much I’d dare,When I mix you up with water,I get a heat that’s hard to bear.I need my Cesium!Burnin’ brightly,Cesium to give me light.Cesium –In the morning,Cesium all through the night.(2)Sun lights up the daytime.Moon lights up the night.Cesium lights up heaven above,With a brilliant sky-blue light.I need my Cesium!Burnin’ hotly.Cesium shinin’ so bright.Cesium –In the morning,Cesium to make me feel right.(Coda)Everybody,Needs some Cesium,Cesium to give ’em that glow.Cesium –Add some water,Get a fire hot as down below!(3)Romeo, he had Cesium,Cool water Juliette.When they mixed it up together,Things got as hot as they can get!They needed Cesium!Flamin’ madly.Cesium burnin’ so blue.Cesium –Shared between them.Cesium to make their love true.(4)Come to the end of my story.Got to the point that I made.Cesium’s the stuff to heat you up,And you ain’t gonna find no shade!You’ll need cesium!As you sizzle.Cesium some comfort to earn.Cesium –It’s almighty.What a lovely way to burn!— Songs of Cesium #96

Oh Cesium(Tune, Oh Christmas tree)Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,Thy spectrum doth us please-ium.Thy sky-blue lines in plasma’s fire,Do dreams of icy lakes inspire.Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,Thy spectrum doth us please-ium.Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,When held, you never freeze-ium.Thy gently smoking silver spheres,When dropped in water, please the ears.Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,When held, you never freeze-ium.Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,You put us at our ease-ium.You tend the seconds of the day,So that our watches never strayOh Cesium, oh Cesium,You put us at our ease-ium.—Songs of Cesium #34

Why Don’t We Mix Up the Two(Tune, “Why don’t we get drunk…”with apologies to Jimmy Buffett)I’ve got a pound of Cesium,It’s burning gently near.The sky-blue flame looks lovely,But it’s noise I want to hear.So darlin’ bring some water,A couple pints’ll do.And why don’t we mix up the two?Why don’t we mix up the two?’Cause Cesium and water,Really make a wicked brew.You say I’ve got a death wish,But honey, I’m just blue.So why don’t we mix up the two?—Songs of Cesium #29

It was time for the final and the student depending upon getting at least one right answer on the chemistry test.The question was “If h20 if water, what is h204?”This was a quick question for most, but it took the student some thinking time.Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing, and cleaning.

God creates man. Man develops technology and makes man himself.
Then one day, the scientists of the world decide they don’t need
god any more because they have their own supplies. So they send
the smartest one to talk with gid. The scientist says, “God, we
don’t need you anymore. You can leave.” So God says, “Okay,
then let’s have a contest, we each make a man.” So the
scientist picks up some dirt, but god says, “No, no, get your
own dirt.”

The last words of a chemist:13. And now the detonating gas problem.14. This is a completely save experimental setup.15. Where did I put my gloves?

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

Cesium the BeautifulOh beautiful for blue of skies,Among thy spectral lines.When cast upon the waters clear,Thy splendid fire shines.Oh Cesium,Oh Cesium,Our days we trust to thee.Thy faultless rhyme,In keeping time,From care doth set us free.—Songs of Cesium #68

“Welcome to Entropy Burgers — may I take your order?””I put in disorder a long time ago. The service here is getting worse all the time.””My experience Gibbs me reason to believe you.””I know the waitress who asked that, too. Her name’s Ellen Omega. She really made me thermally dynamic. So, I asked her out. I tell you, when she don’t like you, she really Boltz, man. Women like that are never distributed normally among the population.””What kind of Poisson would say something like this?”

Cesium Glows(Tune, Love’s a Rose – Neil Young)Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,It’s fire grows when it’s on the tongue.Lips full of holes, you’ll know you’ve kissed it,Just take a bite if you want to die young.I want to see what’s never been seen,I want to dream that Cesium dream.Come on love, we can glow together,Let’s eat it all right now.Take a bite right now.I want to lie in a hole in the ground,Six feet deep, and twelve feet ’round.Sky blue light around me shinin’,Pale blue worms upon me dinin’.Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,It’s fire grows when its on your tongue.Mouth full of holes if ever you kiss it,Gimme a spoon ’cause I wanna die Young.—Songs of Cesium #109

Yesterday,I had Cesium with which to play.Now all my fingers have been blown away.And silence reigns since yesterday.Suddenly,I’m just half the man I used to be.I have no eyes with which to see.My legs have parted company.Why she had to blow,I don’t know,I can only say.Something went awful wrong,In the waterbed where we lay.Yesterday,Her sky blue path seemed such an easy way.Now I know there is a price to pay.Oh, I believed just yesterday.—Songs of Cesium #117

The Geologist’s Come-All-Ye (a folksong) by Brenna Lorenz Come all ye lads and you will hear About the life that we love dear, Refrain: With our diddle-air-re-oh, falling rock away, knock it down, Fall-di-knock-a-rock-away, me laddie-oh! Geologists all bold and strong, We are the subject of this song. We get up with the rising sun And map until the day is done. We walk two hundred miles a day, And study rocks along the way. We fight our way through brush and trees And slog through bog up to our knees. When flies are thick, then we don’t walk, They carry us from rock to rock. We swing our hammers with a whack, Take home an outcrop on our backs. Nine hundred pounds of rock or more Is just an average daily score. If we run out of food to eat There’s always rock beneath our feet. There’s nothing quite like granite stew ‘Though graptolites are some good, too. In the evening to the clubs we flock, To drink Dominion and Old Stock. Here’s to your health and our health, too, May your life prove as good to you, As our…

Lab Reports(to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)Dashing through the labwith a tan page lab reportTaking all those testsand laughing at them allBells for fire drills ringmaking spirits brightWhat fun it is to laugh and singa chemistry song tonight.Oh, lab report, lab reports,reacting all the wayOh what fun it is to studyfor a chemistry test today, Hey!Chemistry test, chemistry testisn’t it a blastOh what fun it is to takea chemistry test and pass.