Category: school

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.100. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you’re doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, “Soon, soon….”

This lovely little girl was entering class for the first time. A friendly little boy said his name was “David, what is yours?” “Happy Butt” she says. “Don’t lie to me, that isn’t your name! What is your name?” “Happy Butt” she says again. I’m going to tell the teacher on you for lying!” he shouts. He gets the teacher and says she is lying to him about her name. “What is your name?” asks the teacher. “Happy Butt” says the little girl. “No, no,” says the teacher. “What is your real name?” “Happy Butt” replies the little girl. “Shame on you for lying.” says the teacher. “You go straight to the principal’s office right this minute!” “Why are you here?” asks the principal of the little girl. “They think I’m lying when I tell them my name is Happy Butt.” said the little girl. “Your name can’t be Happy Butt” says the principal. “I’m going to call your mother right this minute and straighten this out. You must not lie to us about your name.” The principal calls the mother and says , “We have your little girl here and she keeps telling us her name is “Happy Butt.” “Oh, that must be Gladys.” says the mother. “Well, little girl, your mother says your name is Gladys,” says the principal. The little girl replies, “Happy Butt, Glad ass, what’s the difference.

The huge Air Canada Jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. “This is Capt. Johnson, we’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and enjoy your stay in Toronto”.

Well the Capt. forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit.

The co-pilot says to the pilot “Well skipper, wotcha gonna do in Toronto?”

Now all ears in the plan are listening in to this conversation.

“Well”, says the skipper, “First I’m gonna check into the hotel and go for a mega-huge dump. Then I’m gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits. I’m gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and slip the old salami to her all night”.

Well, everyone in the planes trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She’s so embarrassed she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to get the intercom off. Half way down, she trips over an old ladies handbag – ***splat *** and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says, “No need to run dearie, he’s got to go for a shit first!”

Whats the most embrassing thing for a cheerleader?

When she does the splits and 8 class rings fall out!

wht is similarity between a rat and a man?
* they both search a hole

Did you hear that the library at Georgia State burned down? It was terrible, both books burned and they weren’t even colored in!

A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the
hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. “I would do anything to pass this
exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his
eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “… I would do… anything.”
He returns her gaze. “Anything?”
“Anything.”
His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you… study?”

Rules For Work: (Should go over well with your boss.)
Print it out and hang it over your work station…I dare ya!

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

A son returns home from school and says to his mother ” i had my french oral exam 2day”
The mother asks ” so how did it go?”
The son replies ” it sucked!!!”

Once upon a time, there was a mouse family that lived in a bathroom. One day, the youngest mouse went out to get some cheese. His mother and father decided to stay in the bathroom. The mouse returned almost an hour later. His parents asked him what took so long. The mouse said, “Well first, I accidentaly fell into a lake. Then there was rain followed by thunder. I would have died if it hadn’t been for a brown log that was floating around!”

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.178. Let your alarm clock go off and refuse to turn it off. If your roommate commets, pretend not to hear anything.

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?” Tom says, “I would switch one train to another track.”

“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector. “I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever,” answers Tom.

“What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector. “Then,” Tom continues, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”

“What if the phone was busy?” “In that case,” Tom argues, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”.

“What if that had been vandalized?” “Oh, well,” says Tom, “in that case I’d run into town and get my Uncle Leo.”

This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, “Why would you do that?”

“Because he’s never seen a train crash!”