Category: school

A young mother decided to host a dinner party, and invited 6 couples and their
children.She worked very hard, and by the time the guests arrived, she was
exhausted. When it was time to say the blessing, she asked her 5 year old
daughter to say grace. To help her along, she said,” Go ahead, honey, just say
what mommy does” The little girl bowed her head and prayed” Lord, why did I
invite all these people?”

i threw this pen to a girl and it landed on the table and she threw it back to me and it never even reached me so i said to her your so dumb that every time someone or something said ouch you said what

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.189. Lock your door every time you go through it. Tell him/her that you�re afraid of aliens.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.170. Talk on the phone a lot. Don’t pick up the receiver.

Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there!

Housekeeper: Professor, there’s a bill collector at the door. I told him you
were out. But he wouldn’t believe me.

Professor: No? Then I suppose I’ll have to go and tell him myself.

One day in school a kid asked his teacher if he could go pee. the teacher said ok, but first say the alphabet. So he started saying A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S … but then the teacher stoped him and asked where did the P go? He said it is running down my leg.

A coed is asked:
– What will it take you to organize a whorehouse in your dorm?
– 2 kopecks (0.02 roubles) and 1 minute. To make a phone call there and say:
Girls! We are legalized!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.184. Study computer science and listen to techno while talking about robots taking over the world.

by Robert ChenYou should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.1. Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Sip some soda up and spray it on the person next to you. Pretend nothing happened.2. Don’t go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.3. Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.4. After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, “Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?”5. Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.6. Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil cream sauce, and a tart but not sweet dessert of his/her own concoction. When he or she refuses, punch them and proceed to make this meal yourself.7. After finishing your meal, look at your brand of china. Proceed to look at everyone else’s, regardless of whether they’re finished eating or not. Complain how the school is too cheap to buy some real Wedgewood china. Then dump your dishes and waste food in the trash and explain how it would be cheaper to buy new dishes than to wash the old ones.8. During the meal, start a conversation about the innocence of Jeffrey Dahmer. Then look at everybody’s limbs with a marked amount of interest. Then “involuntarily” drool.9. Stand in line for the food. After getting your food, smear it over your clothes and return to the end of the line. Repeat.10. Complain how cold it is in the dining hall–to every person in the dining hall.

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, Toshiba, entered the fourth grade.The teacher greeted the class and said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history.” Who said “Give me Liberty,or give me death?”She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775,” said the boy.”Now,” said the teacher, “who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?”Again, no response except from Toshiba: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”The teacher snapped at the class, “You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do.”As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: “Damned Japanese.””Who said that?” she demanded.Toshiba put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982,” he said.At that point, feeling completely disgusted by Toshiba’s classroom superiority, a student in the back sighed, “I’m gonna throw up.”Teacher says “Who said that?”.Again, Toshiba raises his hand and says “George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Well, suck my….”Once again, it’s Toshiba with the answer, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997.”

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.110. Make a sandwich. Don’t eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, “Hey, where is my sandwich!?” Complain loudly that you are hungry.