Yours Fun Portal !
An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
“Where did you get such a great bike?” asked the first.
The second engineer replied,
“Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want. ”
The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.
WHAT DOES THE AVERAGE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
STUDENT GET ON HIS S.A.T.?????????????
DROOL!!!!!!
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on
autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. “You must be
capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no
sense of fear.” At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead
man’s anus, and then licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of
them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
“The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck
my middle finger into the corpse’s anus, but I licked my index.
Q: How many East Carolina University students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes six years!!
16. She thinks Jack London is a character on General Hospital.
15. Has legally changed her name to “Slutty Spice.”
14. Won’t stop talking about the time he bit Holyfield’s ear.
13. Wants to buy the novel of the Mr. Bean movie.
12. The two of you constantly argue about which “Homer” came first.
11. Giggles uncontrollably whenever you bring up “Moby Dick.”
10. Thinks “Elements of Style” was written by Elsa Klensch.
9. The last time he completed a sentence, he was at Attica.
8. “You gots no condom, you gets no party”, was your last clue.
7. “Of *course* I’ve read Walden. And it only took me 10 minutes to find him!”
6. Ask her to conjugate a verb and she starts talking and belching at the same time.
5. Doesn’t have a lot of free weekends due to busy schedule as NASCAR commentator.
4. Thinks “Beowolf” is a show starring David Hasselhoff.
3. Her favorite poem deals with a man from Nantucket.
2. When you ask him if he has any Grey Poupon, he says, “Hey, don’t be gross!”
1. You: “Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?”
Her: “Dude! That would be, like, totally bitchin’!”
MR. SMITH got himself a new secretary.
She was young, sweet and pretty.
One day, while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.
When leaving the room she said, “Oh, Mr. Smith, did you know your barracks door is open?”
He did not understand her remark, but later he happened to look down and saw his zipper was open.
He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. Calling her in he asked, “By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open did you also see a soldier standing at attention?”
The secretary who was quite witty said, “Why no Mr. Smith.
All I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags.”
Dinkin, an Ohio farm boy, was trying to join a fraternity at the University of
Alaska, but the boys didn’t want him.
They told him that in order to be accepted he’d have to do three things: drink
a gallon of homemade liquor, wrestle a grizzly bear and make love to an Eskimo
woman.
Dinkin guzzled down the booze and then staggered off into the woods. He
returned the next day, his clothes tattered and torn.
“What happened?!” asked the frat men.
“Never mind!” said the boy. “Now where’s that Eskimo woman you wanted me to
wrestle?”
�What would you like to be when you grow up Tommy?�
�I�d like to be a teacher, sir.�
�Would you, indeed? And why would you like to be a teacher?�
�Cause I wouldn�t have to do any more learning � I�d know everything by
then!�
Smile… It scares people!!!
A Brazilian, attending a masquerade Halloween Ball, was dancing with a tourist girl who was wearing a map of Texas for a costume. Suddenly she slapped him hard and stalked off the dance floor. ‘What the heck happened?’ asked a friend who had witnessed the entire event. ‘I’m not really sure,’ the man replied, rubbing his red cheek. ‘When she asked if I had ever been to Texas, I put my finger on Amarillo to show her, and she let me have it.’
A young mother decided to host a dinner party, and invited 6 couples and their
children.She worked very hard, and by the time the guests arrived, she was
exhausted. When it was time to say the blessing, she asked her 5 year old
daughter to say grace. To help her along, she said,” Go ahead, honey, just say
what mommy does” The little girl bowed her head and prayed” Lord, why did I
invite all these people?”