Category: school

you so stupid you flunked recess.

what did mrs clause say to mr clause dont go out in that raindeer

Dear Father,$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply �an’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.Love,Your $on. After receiving his son’s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.Love,Dad

A teacher had been after her pupils to bring in their 2 dollars for the class picture.

Upset over the tardiness, one day she got up in front of the class and said, “Class, think how much you’re going to treasure this picture 25 years from now. You will pull it out and say, ‘There’s my friend, Julie. She’s a lawyer now. There’s my friend Robert. He’s a doctor'”

Then a voice from the back of the room interrupted, “And there’s my teacher. She’s dead.”

A college friend was going to meet a young lady he new.
“An old flame? I asked.
He winked and said, “More like an unlit match.”

After applying some simple algebra to some common phrases and cliches, a new understanding can be reached of the secret of wealth and success.

Here it goes.

(K)nowledge is (P)ower
(T)ime is (M)oney, and as every engineer knows,
(P)ower is (W)ork over (T)ime.

So, substituting algebraic equations for these time-worn bits of wisdom, we get:

K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)

Now, do a few simple substitutions:

Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:

K = W/T (4)

Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:

K = W/M (5).

Now we’ve got something. Expanding back into English, we get:

Knowledge equals Work over Money.

What this MEANS is that:

1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do,
and
2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.

Solving for Money, we get:

M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work Over Knowledge.

From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.

What THIS MEANS is:

The More you Make, the Less you Know.

Solving for Work, we get

W = M x K (7)
Work equals Money times Knowledge

From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.

What THIS MEANS is:

The stupid rich do little or no work.

Working out the socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.

22. If your idea of “doing your hair” is putting on a baseball cap

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.108. Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that he/she needs bowling shoes.

A college couple had been dating for about 6 months. One day in the cafeteria
they are having lunch. After beating around the bush for a few minutes, the
boyfriend expresses that he’s interested in going “all the way”. The girlfriend
excalaims that she has been wanting to also but was unsure on how to address the
issue. After several more minutes of small talk, the girlfriend says she is
willing to finally consumate their relationship, but that the boyfriend must
first meet her parents and bring protection. He agrees and accepts her
invitation to dinner at her house that evening. The boyfriend proceeds directly
to the pharmacy after his last class and walks directly to the condom aisle.
Upon reaching said aisle, he is quickly overwhelmed by the seemingly endless
variety and begins to scratch his head in indecision. Seeing this from behind
the counter, the Pharmacist proceeds the boyfriends location and asks him of his
quandry. After a moment of verbal stammering, he explains to the pharmicist that
it’s his first time buying condoms and he’s not sure what kind to buy, but that
he needs a lot of them as he and she are going to make a marathon night of it.
The pharmicist chuckles, hands him a “bonus pack” of the most popular brand, and
sends the boyfriend on his way. A few hours pass as the boyfriend feverishly
prepares for the night he’s hoping will make him into a man. Finally the moment
of truth arrives as he arrives at his quarrys abode, with not a hair out of
place and a bilfold full of condoms, he nervously rings the doorbell. After what
seems a small eternity, his girlfriend answers the door and with a passionate
kiss invites him throught the portal. He graciously accepts and enters to meet
her parents waiting in the foyer. Gretting are extended before all are ushered
into the formal dining room for the evening meal. Upon sitting down, the
girlfriend invites her extremely nervous and uncomfortable boyfriend to say
Grace before dinner is served. The boyfriend eagerly accepts and commences with
the longest, most religious, heartfelt prayer in all of history. At the end of
the prayer, the girlfriend exclaims “I had no idea you were so religious”. The
boyfriend sweating from his labor exlaims in turn “I had no idea your father was
a pharmicist”!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.14. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. “The Road Warrior,” “Repo Man, “Casablanca,”) almost inaudibly.

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

He had no trouble with discipline that term.

1. You have to fill in at least ten application forms to get the formayou really wanted at any government institution.2. Being a notorious tree-hugger, you can make every Americanenvironmentalist look like some back-door ecology pig.3. You belong to the only people on the world that lets its dailypolicy be influenced by the deeds of some madman some sixty years ago.4. No matter what you do, the international press will either call youa warmonger, a Nazi or a wanna-be-Napoleon.5. good beer6. good food7. Tradition (not to be confused with that blood-and-honour-crap theNazis believed in)8. Autobahnen (motorways) without speed limit9. Mercedes10. In-built sense of pacifism (true !)