Category: school

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.164. Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommate that the lobster is making up his own rules.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.112. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate’s potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate’s potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, “He just didn’t belong.”

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.139. When you walk into the room, look at your roommate in disgust and yell, “Oh, you’re here!” Walk away yelling and complaining.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.196. Leave strange outgoing messages on your answering machine. Be creative.

The FBI puts an Ad in the newspaper, “Wanted FBI agents.” After sorting through all the applicants they narrow it down to three. They bring the first in for an interview and the interviewing agent says to the gentleman, “We are the FBI, we solemnly do the duty of the country and always put the country before ourselves. Anything asked of us, we must do. Whether we like it or not. All our agents must be totally loyal.” The guy responds that he always wanted to be an FBI agent and it has been his dream.

The agent then pulls out a gun and puts it on the table. “Please, go into the next room where your wife is and shoot her.”

The gentleman gets a repulsed look upon his face. “I can’t do that. She is my wife and I love her with all my heart!”

The agent than says that he just isn’t FBI material, but thanks him for coming down.

They then bring in the second man. The agent goes over the speel of loyalty for the country above all else. “I always wanted to be an agent, my lifelong goal it was ever since I was a school boy,” he replies.

The agent than proceeds to pull out the gun and place it on the table. “Please, go into the next room and shoot your wife,” FBI agent says, calmly.

The man than replies, “I can’t do that, although we have our problems, I can’t kill her. She is the mother of my three kids…she’s just too important.”

The agent offers his respect, but with regret tells him that he just isn’t FBI material.

Finally, the third gentleman is brought in. They go over the speel and the agent puts the gun on the table and asks him to go shoot his wife. The man nods, takes the gun and enters the next room.

Five or six shots are heard and then are proceeded by sounds of things slamming into the wall, tables splintering and shattering, muffled screams and metal bending. The FBI agent runs to the room with astonishment and confusion on his face.

“What did you do?”

The man calmly replies, “The gun was full of blanks, so I had to beat her to death with a chair!”

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night?
He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

Well,the black boxes on the airplanes that record everything that happens before a crash, now they make those in cars. But 99% of the recordings start out with”here hold my beer and whach this!”

This machine is subject to breakdown during periods of critical need.

A special circuit in the machine called a “critical detector” senses the operator’s emotional state in terms of how desperate he or she is to use this machine.

The “critical detector” then creates a malfunction proportional to the desperation of the operator. Threatening the machine with violence will only aggravate the situation. Likewise, attempts to use another machine may cause it to also malfunction. (They belong to the same union.) Keep cool and say nice things to the machine. Nothing else seems to work. Never let anything mechanical know you are in a hurry.

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word ‘penis’ in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.

The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word ‘penis’ again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none,erased it and then proceeded with the day’s lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day’s word, larger than the previous day’s word.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words:

“The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!”

This is for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you do any of these things on the first day of class or for that matter, on any day of class.1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, “Quite right, old bean!” 2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector. 3. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points. 4. Sit in the front and color in your textbook. 5. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond “that’s my name, don’t wear it out!” 6. Introduce yourself to the class as the “master of the pan flute”. 7. Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow. 8. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder. 9. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 10. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.150. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When you’re not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for you to see.

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our
computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she
got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the
inputs for the keyboards.

She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her
face. She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed,
nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding
behind my monitor and quaking red-faced. I started to type, “Leave me alone!”
They both jumped back, silenced. “What the…” the teacher said. I typed, “I
said leave me alone!”

The kid got real upset. “I didn’t do anything to it, I swear!” It was all I
could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and the
PC went on for an amazing five minutes.

Me: “Don’t touch me!”

Her: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit your keys that hard.”

Me: “Who do you think you are anyway?!” Etc.

Finally, I couldn’t contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair
laughing. After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red.
Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.