Music student: Did you really learn to play the violin in six easy lessons?
Music teacher: Yes, but the 500 that followed were pretty difficult!!
Category: school
ADMISSIONS TEST
Several colleges have started a pilot program that uses a simple group
experiment with Legos as a replacement for the standard admissions test. The
group must recreate a model of a robot in the next room, with only one team
member allowed to view the robot at any one time.
Since different schools have different admissions requirements, the test has
been generalized to meet the requirements of various schools:
ENGINEERING COLLEGE: Build a real, working robot out of Legos.
LIBERAL ARTS COLLEGE: Pick your favorite color of Lego block.
CULINARY COLLEGE: Bake an Eggo that no one would want to Lego.
COMMUNITY COLLEGE: Ring this box of Legos up on a cash register.
FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITY: Steal as many Legos as possible.
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.83. Eat a bag of marshmellows before you go to bed. The next day, spray three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.166. Create an army of animal crackers. Put them through basic training. Set up little checkpoints around the room. Tell your roommate that the camel spotted him/her in a restricted area and said not to do it again. Ask your roommate to apologize to the camel.
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
Joke Written By and For Retards
Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. “Incredible!,” says his friend. “Medical science is amazing.”
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. “Incredible!,” says his friend. “Medical science is amazing!”
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can’t find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, “Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.” The doctor thinks for a minute and says, “Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.”
Cool REAL Signs!
At a radiator shop (A-1 Radiator)
“Best Place in Town to take a Leak”
Sign over a gynecologist’s office
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
On a Plumbers truck:
“We repair what your husband tried to fix.”
On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
Pizza shop slogan:
“7 days without pizza makes one weak.”
At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout”
Door of a plastic surgeon’s office:
“Hello. Can we pick your nose or would you rather do it”
At a laundry shop: “How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot.
Would that be satisfactory?”
At a towing company:
“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
On an electrician’s truck
“Let us remove your shorts.”
In a non-smoking area:
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
On a maternity room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”
At an optometrist’s office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a taxidermist’s window:
“We really know our stuff.”
In a podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
On a fence:
“Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”
At a car dealership:
“The best way to get back on your feet — miss a car payment.”
Outside a muffler shop:
“No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”
In a veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
At the electric company:
“We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”
The Powers Of Observation
A professor teaching medicine at the university was tutoring a class on
‘Observation’. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. “This,” he explained,
“is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and
taste.”
After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his
mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good
students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one
finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. “If any of you
had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar
and my 3rd finger into my mouth.”
Lesson learned!
Pencal
Why did the pencal go through the pool!I dont know why! Because it thaught it was paper!
Dirty Grand Canyon Riddle
Q: What do tourists pay guides to do at the grand canyon?A: To let them mount their ass and ride in the crack!
Student Desperate To Pass Story, A
A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the
hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
“I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back
her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
“I mean…” she whispers, “…I would do…anything.”
He returns her gaze. “Anything?”
“Anything.”
His voice softens. “Anything??”
“Anything.”
His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you…study?”
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.122. When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, “That was your mom. She said she’d call back.”