Category: school

On the 7th day instead of resting God decided to make the most beautiful country on the planet. He decided to bestow it with abundant wildlife – mountain sheep, grizzly bears, salmon and other unique and amazing creatures. As a backdrop God decided that some of the most majestic mountains, creeks and rivers are required. He then decided that this place should be called Canada and that the people inhabiting this area should be called Canadians and be the envy of all nations on the planet earth. At this point one of his angels asked “Don’t you think you are being a bit generous to these Canadians?” To which God replied “No, you should see the neighbours I am giving them”

26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8′ X 10′ cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6′ X 8′ cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.

In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.

In prison you get your own room.
At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time. At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work we have managers.

Hell happens to be multi-cultural:The Germans are the police force,The Italians the defence force,The Indonesians are in charge of housing,The Indians run the railways,The Irish make the laws,The Enlish are the cooks….. and the common language is Dutch.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.77. Whenever you’re on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up immediately without saying anything and crawl under your desk. Sit there for two minutes than call whoever it was back.

If God makes a mistake, it is fate.
If a barber makes a mistake, it is a new style.
If a driver makes a mistake, it is an accident.
If a doctor makes a mistake, it is an operation.
If an engineer makes a mistake, it is a new venture.
If parents make a mistake, it is a new generation.
If a politician makes a mistake, it is a new law.
If a scientist makes a mistake, it is a new invention.
If a tailor makes a mistake, it is a new fashion.
If a teacher makes a mistake, it is a new theory.
If an student makes a mistake, it is a “MISTAKE”

91. Always wear your safety goggles, they’re not kidding.92. You just don’t learn last names.93. Your teachers just went from Mr. and Mrs. to Prof.94. That calculator Tetris and Duck Hunt come into play even more than in high school Physics class.95. Card games never lasted for hours before.96. Vacuuming happens every semester, if you get around to it.97. Boys will dance in college.98. People who never talked to you in high school are now your best friends when you come home.99. You are never alone.100. You find out what beer sludge is.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.117. Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your roommate that you hit the bullseye.

The teacher put two baskets of treats on her desk, a basket of apples and a basket of cookies.

She told the students to each take only one treat.
Next to the basket of apples was a sign:
Take only one, God is watching.

As one little boy reached over to take a cookie, the boy next to him said, “Take all you want, God’s watching the apples”!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.168. Steal a tire from a fraternity lawn. Bring it to your room. Bathe it. Name it. Sleep in it.

“Jill,” a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, “do you mind telling me whose class you’re cutting this time?”
“Like,” the young teen replied, “uh, see, okay, like it’s like, I really don’t like, think like, that’s really important, y’know, like because I’m, y’know, like I don’t get anything out of it.”

“It’s Mrs. Dulls’ English class, isn’t it?” replied the smiling teacher.

• Did you know that “verb” is a noun?
• How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can’t spell them?
• If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?
• If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren’t two houses hice?
• If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
• If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bite your tongue?
• If you’ve read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn’t this also mean that you would have to “member” somebody in order to remember them?
• In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?
• Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?
• Is there another word for a synonym?
• Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
• What is another word for “thesaurus”?
• Where do swear words come from?
• Why can’t you make another word using all the letters in “anagram”?
• Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
• Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
• Why do people use the word “irregardless”?
• Why do some people type “cool” as “kewl?”
• Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
• Why do we say something’s out of order when its broken but we never say in of order when it works?
• Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?
• Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
• Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
• Why does the Chinese ideogram for trouble symbolize two women living under one roof?
• Why does X stand for a kiss and O stand for a hug?
• Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is?
• Why don’t we say “why” instead of “how come”?
• Why is “crazy man” an insult, while to insert a comma and say “Crazy, man!” is a compliment?
• Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
• Why is abbreviation such a long word?
• Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?
• Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
• Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?
• Why is it that the word “gullible” isn’t in the dictionary?
• Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
• Why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
• Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
• Why is the plural of goose-geese, and not the plural of moose-meese?
• Why isn’t “palindrome” spelled the same way backwards?
• Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?