Category: school

1. Y Subway (Year to more trains and even cleaner stations)2. Y Broadway (Year of more tourist going, movie derivative shows)3. Y oi vey (Year of using even more Jewish superlatives)4. Y Toupee (Year of more Hair Transplants)5. Y too Gay (Year of a more Gay Rights)6. Y ash tray (Year of less cigarettes)7. Y e-bay (Year of more online auctions)8. Y Shar-pei (Year of many more small imported dogs)9. Y Torme (Year of the more lounge singers)10. Y Bidet (Year of more European bathroom fixtures)11. Y Valet (Year of having your car parked for you)12. Y Trump’s Way (Year of listening to an ego)13. Y Chalet (Year of more over-priced hotels)14. Y Buffet (Year of more all you can eat dinners)15. Y Cheese Tray (Year of more cocktail party appetizers)16. Y Sorbet (Year of more flavors that you never heard of)17. Y Hair Spray (Year of even higher hair)18. Y You Stay (Year of more Internet Provider delays)19. Y Risqu� (Year of less rights for local sex shops)20. Y O.J. (Never goes away)21. Y Replay (Year of more NFL game delays)22. Y Steel Grey (Year of re-making the new black)23. Y Parquet (Year of the finally doing the home improvement)24. Y Decay (Year of more investment in the inner city)25. Y Au Lait (Year of more different kinds of coffees)26. Y Fillet (Year of eating more meat even though it’s bad for us)27. Y Obey (Year of continued ‘illegal’ jaywalking)28. Y Hermes (Year of more over priced women’s accessories)29. Y Today (Year of more morning show competition)30. Y Souffl� (Year of more desert menus)31. Y Prepay (Year of more phone cards)32. Y Caf� (Year of more outside eating of overpriced sandwiches)33. Y Survey (Year of more studies for train to airport project)34. Y Bombay (Year of more Gin Drinks)35. Y Jose (Year of a stronger and growing Latino Population)36. Y Saut� (Year of more food TV shows)37. Y More Cray (Year of even faster computers)38. Y Sick Pay (Year of parental leave)39. Y Clich� (Year of more boy bands)40. Y Night Spray (Year of more unknown insect infections)41. Y McVeigh (Year of unfortunately more terrorist attacks)42. Y Amway (Year of more nagging friends)43. Y Stroke play (Year of more Cyber sex)44. Y Display (Year of more building sized advertisements)45. Y Portray (Year of the ‘New York’ Candidate)46. Y Repay (Year of clearing up US debt to UN)47. Y Coin Play (Year of increased gambling machines)48. Y DK (Year of more American designer clothing)49. Y Dismay (Year of continued illegal drug use)50. Y We Pray (Year for continued hope for mid-east peace)

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.55. Tell your roommate that it’s your birthday–every day.

* You consider McDonald’s “real food”

* You actually like doing laundry at home

* 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends

* It starts getting late on the weeknights

* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party

* You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it

* You’d rather clean than study

* “Oh wow, how did it get so late!” comes out of your mouth at least once a night

* Half the time you don’t wake up in your own bed and it seems normal

* Minesweeper (or Solitaire) is more than a game it’s a way of life

* You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps

* You know the pizza boy by name

* You go to sleep when it’s light and get up when it’s dark

* You live for getting mail

* Looking out the window is a form of entertainment

* Prank phone calls become funny again

* It feels weird to take a shower without shoes on

* Whole wars can take place, and you are clueless (no connection to the outside world)

* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate

* Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth

* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime

* You find out milk crates have so many uses

* Wal-mart is the coolest store

* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday, (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night)

* You are sitting around making lists about how you know you’ve been in college too long

5. I’m not going to grant any extensions.
4. Call me any time. I’m always available.
3. It doesn’t matter what I think; write what you believe.
2. Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.
1. My other section is much better prepared than you guys.

Vova brought home his grade book. Vova’s father looked at it and said, “I see
you misbehaved. For example, it says here that you smoked in class.”
“You call it smoke? I just found a cigarette butt and only could inhale two
times.”
“Maybe. But here it says you came to the school drunk.”
“You call it drunk? I only found in garbage a bottle with a few drops of
vodka…”
“Maybe. But here it says you tried to rape an old cleaning woman.”
“Try! But I did not do it after all.”
“I see you need a lesson.”
Next day the father took Vova to his office. He showed him to a deep leather
chair, and when Vova took the seat, the father offered him a cigar. Vova puffed,
and the father poured for Vova a glass of French brandy. As Vova drank, his
father opened the door and pointed at his young and pretty secretary.
“How do you like it, Vova?”
“Very much, father.”
“So, to smoke good cigars, and to drink good brandy, and to have a young and
pretty secretary, one has to study, to study, and once again to study!”

If I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what
would I have?�
�Huge hands, sir.�

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.109. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.171. Talk to your roommate but don’t let any sound come out. Get mad at him/her for not listening to you.

In court because I drove through a red light, I told the judge that I was a schoolteacher, and asked that my case to be heard immediately so I could get back to my class. A wild gleam came into the judge’s eye. “Madam, I”ve waited years to have a teacher in this court,” he said. “Now sit down at that table and write, ‘I went through a red light’ 500 times.”

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.129. Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone besides your roommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the tire swing was your roommate’s idea. When you and your roommate are alone again, continue acting like a monkey.

Some quick thinking to get out of the “caught napping jam!”…

They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.

Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout again!

I wasn�t sleeping! I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!

I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?

Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem!

I wasn�t sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without using my hands.

The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.91. Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you’ve been having terrible nightmares.