Category: school

3 men where at the FBI Building for a job interview.

The first man walked into the office . The interviewing FBI agent said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.” The man took the gun, hesitated, and said “Sorry, I can’t do it.”

The next interviewee came into the office. The Agent said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.” The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. “Sorry,” he said.

The last man came into the office. The inverviewer said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.” The man took the gun and went into the room. The Agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.

The man came out of the room and said “Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!”

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, “They’re more than meets the eye.”

A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts.In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, ‘What took you so long?’ He replied, ‘Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.’

A female newscaster is interviewing the leader of a youth club:
Interviewer: “So, Mr. Jones, what are you going to do with these children on this adventure holiday?”

Mr. Jones: “We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.”

Interviewer: “Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?”

Mr. Jones: “I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the range.”

Interviewer: “Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?”

Mr. Jones: “I don’t see how, we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm.”

Interviewer: “But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.”

Mr. Jones: “Well, you’re equipped to be a prostitute but you’re not one, are you?”

An Oxford philosopher was giving a lecture on the philosophy of language at Columbia University, and came to a curious aspect of the English language. “You will note,” said the stuffy Oxford scholar, “that in the English language, two negatives can mean a positive, but never is it the case that two positives can mean a negative.” To which someone in the back responded, “yeah, yeah.”

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.41. Shave one eyebrow.

Boss: Johnson, we giving you a promotion but you have to move to Montreal. Johnson: Montreal! “Nothing comes from there except hookers and hockey players!”
Boss: Listen pal, my wife comes from there!
Johnson: Without missing a beat replies, “No kidding! What position does she play?”

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.74. Take all of your roommate’s furniture and build a fort. Guard the fort for an entire weekend.

In a school, a female teacher asked a student, “Ivanov, why did you miss two
days in class?”
“Day before yesterday, my mother was laundering my pants.”
“And what about yesterday?”
“I walked by your house and saw your panties drying. So, I thought you
wouldn’t be in school.”

A little kid goes to a nude beach with his parents. He sees a naked girl and says “Mommy, mommy! That lady has bigger tits than you do!” So his mom says “The bigger your tits are the dumber you are.” Then the little boy sees a naked guy and says “Mommy, mommy! That man has a bigger dick than daddy!” So the mom says, “The bigger your dick is the dumber you are.” Then the little boy sees something else. He says, “Mommy, mommy! Daddy is talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and he keeps getting dumber and dumber!”

1. Y Subway (Year to more trains and even cleaner stations)2. Y Broadway (Year of more tourist going, movie derivative shows)3. Y oi vey (Year of using even more Jewish superlatives)4. Y Toupee (Year of more Hair Transplants)5. Y too Gay (Year of a more Gay Rights)6. Y ash tray (Year of less cigarettes)7. Y e-bay (Year of more online auctions)8. Y Shar-pei (Year of many more small imported dogs)9. Y Torme (Year of the more lounge singers)10. Y Bidet (Year of more European bathroom fixtures)11. Y Valet (Year of having your car parked for you)12. Y Trump’s Way (Year of listening to an ego)13. Y Chalet (Year of more over-priced hotels)14. Y Buffet (Year of more all you can eat dinners)15. Y Cheese Tray (Year of more cocktail party appetizers)16. Y Sorbet (Year of more flavors that you never heard of)17. Y Hair Spray (Year of even higher hair)18. Y You Stay (Year of more Internet Provider delays)19. Y Risqu� (Year of less rights for local sex shops)20. Y O.J. (Never goes away)21. Y Replay (Year of more NFL game delays)22. Y Steel Grey (Year of re-making the new black)23. Y Parquet (Year of the finally doing the home improvement)24. Y Decay (Year of more investment in the inner city)25. Y Au Lait (Year of more different kinds of coffees)26. Y Fillet (Year of eating more meat even though it’s bad for us)27. Y Obey (Year of continued ‘illegal’ jaywalking)28. Y Hermes (Year of more over priced women’s accessories)29. Y Today (Year of more morning show competition)30. Y Souffl� (Year of more desert menus)31. Y Prepay (Year of more phone cards)32. Y Caf� (Year of more outside eating of overpriced sandwiches)33. Y Survey (Year of more studies for train to airport project)34. Y Bombay (Year of more Gin Drinks)35. Y Jose (Year of a stronger and growing Latino Population)36. Y Saut� (Year of more food TV shows)37. Y More Cray (Year of even faster computers)38. Y Sick Pay (Year of parental leave)39. Y Clich� (Year of more boy bands)40. Y Night Spray (Year of more unknown insect infections)41. Y McVeigh (Year of unfortunately more terrorist attacks)42. Y Amway (Year of more nagging friends)43. Y Stroke play (Year of more Cyber sex)44. Y Display (Year of more building sized advertisements)45. Y Portray (Year of the ‘New York’ Candidate)46. Y Repay (Year of clearing up US debt to UN)47. Y Coin Play (Year of increased gambling machines)48. Y DK (Year of more American designer clothing)49. Y Dismay (Year of continued illegal drug use)50. Y We Pray (Year for continued hope for mid-east peace)

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.55. Tell your roommate that it’s your birthday–every day.