Category: school

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.66. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.

Editor’s Note: naturally we don’t have enough room to catalog all of them, but here’s the top ten.—————-10. Won’t acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Jim Carrey and Howie Mandel.9. We’re pretty sure they’re holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will.8. Every time we mention the city “Regina”, they won’t stop giggling.7. Incredibly, they only have one word for “snow”.6. In American encyclopedias, Canada often called “North Dakota’s gay neighbor”.5. They call it American cheese, even though it was invented by Gordon Lightfoot.4. They’ve never even heard of our most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan.3. Two words: “Weird Al”.2. Sick of that gap-toothed looser on “The Late Show with Paul Shaffer”.1. Not enough guys named “Gordie”.

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.
Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.

Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend’s act of generosity.

“What on earth did you do that for?” shouts Frank. “You know he’s only going to use it on drugs or booze.”

Matt replies, “And we weren’t?”

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.131. Sign your roommate up for various activities (Campus tour guide, blood donor, peer tutoring).

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.87. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, “You shouldn’t have done that to me.”

Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: “Who can tell me which
organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?”
Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way.
“Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its
usual size when stimulated?”
Mary stands up, blushing furiously. “How dare you ask such a question?” she
says. “I’m going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal,
who will have you fired!”
Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary’s reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class
the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.
Yes, Sam?” says Mrs. Sampson. “Ma’am, the correct answer is the iris of the
human eye.”
“Very good, Sam. Thank you.” Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, “Mary,
I have 3 things to tell you: first, it’s clear that you have NOT done your
homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And third, I fear one day you are going
to be sadly disappointed.”

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” Was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

“John,” the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only — Smith, Jones, Baker — that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson.

Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”
The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”

“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”

It’s Mark’s first time visiting a whorehouse. He rings the bell and a
beautiful woman answers the door and invites him in.Mark goes upstairs with the
beautiful girl. As she starts taking down his pants, he gets too excited, and
shoots his wad.
She says, “Can you come again?”
He says, “Sure. I live right around the corner.”

20 Reasons Throwing Up is Better thanDormFood

After you throw up, you feel better.

You can throw up whenever you want.

When you throw up, you don’t have to wait in line.

Throw-up is always warm.

You don’t have to sneak throw-up out of the cafeteria.

When you’re throwing up, a bent spoon is an advantage.

You can lose weight throwing up.

You don’t have to pay to throw up.

Throw-up is SUPPOSED to look like that.

When you throw up, you don’t have to come back for seconds.

You don’t have to throw up everyday.

Throwing up can never cause you to eat dorm food afterward.

You can throw up without a photo ID.

Throw-up is organic and biodegradable.

They don’t ration throw-up.

After you throw up, at least you know what you’ve eaten.

Plastic throw-up is funny. Plastic dorm food is redundant.

You don’t have to throw up the same thing five days in a row.

A dog will eat throw-up.

After you throw up, at least there’s some taste in your mouth.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.36. Leave a marble in your roommate’s bed every day.

One day a young just married couple were driving in their audi TT. Their names were Harder (male) and Fuck Me (female). Harder and Fuck me needed some cash, so they stopped at a local bank. Harder ran in to the ATM while Fuck Me waited in the car.A strange man with an obvious giant boner walks up to the window and says “Hi, whats your name?” and she answers “Fuck Me”. So he says “Ok” and gets in the car and screws her.She starts screaming “Harder Harder Harder!!!” And then he says “Lady I can’t fuck that hard!”-Jessica

If a Dog were your teacher, you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a car ride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

As you enjoy the wind in your face, do not restrict your capacity to drool.

When it’s in your best interest — practice obedience.

Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily, if not by the minute.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the cool grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a tree.

When you take a drink of water, find a human to drip the extra on.

When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often or severely you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout…run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joys of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Don’t stop when you’ve had enough.

Be loyal.

Tolerate cats — humans love that.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it, where ever that leads you.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.