Category: school

I just returned from my fiftieth high school reunion. The Romans of Los Angeles Hi. Class of ’48. The Marina Marriott was packed. Everyone was there.

We had changed little since we had last met ten years ago. Oh, we had aged a little. But there was no real change. We spent most of the time reminiscing on the good times we had during our high school days. What most of us remembered most vividly was the semester we were offered a class in Accounting.

This was an innovative experimental class that had never been tried before. And because of us, it has never been offered again. You see we were very independent teen-agers in those post-war days. We were interested in ideals about equality and the future, not in accounting.

… So we rapidly lost our interest and attacked the principal.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified!
Kept thinking I could never pass with no revision guide,
But then I spent so many nights, getting all the questions wrong,
And I grew strong,
And I learned I could scrape along,
I won’t look back, to any place,
When I can swallow 15 cans and get completely off my face,
I would have revised by the clock,
I would have had no spare time free,
If I’d thought for just one second my exams would bother me,

So all my notes, are on the floor,
Don’t even matter… that there’s no rock night anymore…
Weren’t you the one,
Who tried to get me to revise?
You think I’d crumble? You think I’d work towards the skies?

Oh no, not I!
I won’t revise!BR> Unless I die of beer stains, I know I’ll stay alive,
Though my money’s at an end,
I’ve my overdraft to spend,
I won’t revise,
I won’t revise!

It took all the strength I had, not to act the part,
But in the end my real revision didn’t even start.
I used to sit at home at night, feeling guilty to myself,
I used to try,
But now I hold my head up high,

And you see me! Somebody new!
I’m not that mixed up weird bloke who wants a good 2:2
So if you feel like dropping in, chances are that I’ll be free,
Coz I’ve done sod all revision, and I’m failing my degree,

Oh no, not I!
I won’t revise,
I think that I may scrape a third, but I could be telling lies!
Let the lecturers all storm,
My bed’s far too nice and warm,
I won’t revise,
I won’t revise,
oh dear!

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
–Responsibility makes me nervous.
–They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning.
Couldn’t work under those conditions.

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:
–Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.
–I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
–The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
–While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.
–I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
–Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.
–My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
–I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
–Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

PERSONAL INTERESTS:
–Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
–Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.
–Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.
–Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.
–I’m a rabid typist.
–Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: “HIJKLMNO”!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said its H to O!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.130. Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he/she refuses, claim that you have won by forfeit and therefore conquered his/her side of the room. Insist that he/she remove all of his/her possessions immediately.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.

How many Wake Forest fraternity brothers does it take to make chocolate chip
cookies?
Seventeen. One to do it and sixteen to shell the M&M’s.

A. Butcher, Meat purveyor.

10. It doesn’t bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.
9. I’d be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.
8. My work has a lot of practical importance.
7. I would never date an undergraduate.
6. Your latest article was so inspiring.
5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.
4. I just have one more book to read and then I’ll start writing.
3. The department is giving me so much support.
2. My job prospects look really good.
1. No really, I’ll be out of here in only two more years.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.182. When you leave the room, put on a screensaver that says, “I’m watching you.”

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven – others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.After watching Satan do this several times, the fellows curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder.’Excuse me, Prince of Darkness,’ he said. ‘Im waiting in line for judgment, but I couldnt help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?’ ‘Ah, those…’ Satan said with a groan. ‘They’re all from Seattle; theyre too wet to burn!’