Category: school

* In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
* No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be
provided at an event before students will come.
* In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on
both.
* In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at
the teacher’s guide.
* In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
* In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to
live with your friends.
* In college, you don’t have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
* Only nerds e-mailed in high school. Cool kids hadn’t heard of it.
* In high school, you’re told what classes to take. In college, you get to
choose; that is, as long as the classes don’t conflict and you have the
prerequisites and the classes aren’t closed and you’ve paid your tuition.
* In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of
it. In college, you’re lucky to ever talk with the professor.
* In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college,
by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
* In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your
high school final exams ever did.
* In high school, when the teacher said, “Good morning,” you mumbled back. In
college, when the professor says, “Good morning,” you write it down.
* In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys
hit on freshman girls.
* In college, weekends start on Thursday.
* In college, it’s much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of
the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be
walking around campus and at what time to find them there.
* Once you’ve obtained the information described in #10, it’s much more
time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will
be in order to “just happen to bump into him/her.”
* In college, there’s no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
* In college, your dad doesn’t pay for dates.
* In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
* College men are cuter than high school boys.
* College women are legal.
* In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don’t need a note
from your parents saying you were skip….uh, sick that day.
* In high school, you can’t go out to lunch because it’s not allowed. In
college, you can’t go out to lunch because you can’t afford it.

If GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau

The right way to spell POTATO shoud be GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.123. Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights and go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, “Okay, guys, you can come out now.”

The Choice of Sport For Workers is Rugby
The Choice of Sport For Managers is Tennis
The Choice of Sport For CEOs is Golf

Conclusion: The Bigger your job is the smaller your balls become.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.41. One word: Wrestlemania. 42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start. 43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave. 44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room. 45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam. 47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. 48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle. 49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say “it helps me think. ” Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don’t forget to use the phrase “Told you so”. 50. Answer the exam with the “Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx is a Terrible Teacher”

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. “Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They must be British.” “Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.” “No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, “they have only an apple to eat, and they’re being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian.”

When Emily walked into the Library she ask the libraian,”can i order 1 hamburger and fries”..then the librarian said…,”shhhh this is a Library….then Emily said ohh…sorry…then Emily said quietly, “can I order 1 hamburger and fries”…..remember she said it quietly…..shhhhh……..

Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.15 minutes looking for assignment.11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.8 minutes in the bathroom.10 minutes getting a snack.7 minutes checking the TV Guide.6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.

1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.3. When giving directions, finish with “and it’s right down yonder on the left.” Confuses the mess out of ’em.4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they’re saying.5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell ’em “Delta’s ready when you are!”6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke. (This really does annoy ’em!)8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don’t have it, raise a ruckus.9. Offer to send ’em a bottle of fresh air.10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie-John Michael-Jim Bob. . .you get the idea)11. Frequently bring up “The War of Northern Aggression” in conversation. If anyone ever says the words “Civil War”, always interject that “there was nothing civil about it.”12. Address all males as “son” and females as “little lady”.13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It’s “Pah-kahn” not “Pee-can”. (Amen)14. Put Tabasco on everything.15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say “Yo, I’m from upstate New Yoik!”,say “Well, I’ll be darned, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!”16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . .preferably the banana ones.17. Name all of your children “Bubba”. (or just call em that!)18. Use the word “reckon” in a sentence and watch their reaction.19. “Mash” buttons. “Cut” off lights. “Carry” the kids to school.20. Never simply “do” something. Be “fixin to do” something.21. Tell them you don’t have an accent, they do.22. Be sure to include “yes/no ma’am/sir” in all conversations…Offends the heck out of ’em.23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. “Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there…” “You said left.” “Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town..”24. Ask them if it’s still snowing up North. Then tell ’em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend.25. Call ’em a yankee. Works every time.

yo mama so damn fat she sat in a monster truck and made it a low rider.

15> Every time you get close to a microphone, your Ethel Merman compulsion takes over.

14> “That’s my monthly Vegas weekend. Can you move the ceremony to Monday?”

13> Even a graduation gown won’t hide that ankle bracelet.

12> A great Jedi you may be. A great orator not are you!

11> You are, most unfortunately, too engrossed with unraveling the Chicken of the Sea Paradox to impart your wisdom to appetent youth.

10> “What Would Omarosa Do?” is not a hot topic right now.

9> Working the graveyard shift at the convenience store, you generally don’t wake up until late afternoon.

8> You are in the middle of a very important court case. Also, you live with a chimp.

7> You were class valedictorian, only without the “vale” or the “torian.”

6> Your crowning achievement is membership in ClubTop5.

5> Not only are you a proud C student, but three years in, you still pronounce it “nook-culer.”

4> The only thing you’re about to commence is 25-to-life.

3> You can’t even look at tassels without waving a folded-up dollar bill in the air.

2> No shirt, no shoes, no speech.

1> Your highest “degree” is an honorary mail-order GED.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

14. Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
13. Enjoy being a Sophomore — It will be the best three years of your life.
12. Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it’s all fun and games until
someone loses their ‘nads.
11. Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
10. Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative “home
pharmaceuticals” business.
9. If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
8. Boring lecture? Start a wave!
7. College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle
dinner.
6. “I Phelta Thi” is *not* a real fraternity, except at state
colleges.
5. Remember – almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.
4. Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior
essay.
3. Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.
2. Don’t think of it as sleeping with your professor — think of it as “acing
Biology.”
1. In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your
breakfast cereal.