Category: school

One day the school took the children to the airport.Then the children shouted,”Boing,Boing!!”.Then the teacher told,”Be silent”.So the children started shouting,”Oing,Oing!!”

A young jewish boy was doing very poorly in school, especially in mathematics. So, his father, after much deliberation, decided to send him to a catholic school because he’d heard that they were very good. For three months, the father didn’t see much of the son because he was always studying. On his first report card, he got all a’s. His dad was mystified by the incredibly excellent results and asked his son how it could be that he was doing so well. He’d expected improvement but this was really quite amazing! His son replied “well, I really knew they meant business that very first day when i walked into the classroom and they had that guy nailed to the plus sign!”

27. If you celebrate when you find a quarter

The professor:
“You are three, stop passing notes to each other!”
The student:
“These aren’t notes. We are playing the preference.”
“Ah! Sorry!”

Whenever I say something you say:ketchup and liquorWhat did you have for breakfast?ketchup and liquorWhat did you have for lunch?ketchup and liquorWhat did you have for dinner?ketchup and liquorWhat do you do when you see a woman?ketchup and liquor (catch up and lick her)

10. Picky, picky, picky.

9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.

8. Beauty is only shell deep.

7. When you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing”.

6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.

5. Always turning simple statements into big productions.

4. Smalltalk is important.

3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.

2. They make you take the garbage out.

1. Miss a period and they go wild

Q: How many UNC-Pembroke students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole student body, there’s nothing better to do on weekends.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.10. Move you roommate’s personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.

Two strangers are sitting in an adjacent seats in airplane.

One guy says to the other, “Let’s talk. I hear that the flight will go

faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The other guy, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly, takes off

his glasses and asks, “What would you like to discuss?”

The first guy says, “Oh, I don’t know; how about Nuclear Power?”

The other guy says, “OK, that could make for some pretty interesting

conversation. But let me ask you a question first:

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, but the deer excretes

pellets; the cow, big patties; and the horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is

that?”

The first guy says, “I don’t know.”

The other guy says, “Oh? Well then, do you really think you’re qualified

to discuss Nuclear Power when you don’t know shit?”

Q. why did the teacher have to were sunglasses in school?
A. because the students were so bright.

LA High School Maths Exam…
… City of LAHigh School Math Proficiency Exam

Name:________________ Gang:________________

1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he missed 6 out of 10 shots, and shoots 11 times at each drive-by, how many drive-by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?

2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. He sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $220 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the coke if he doesn’t cut it?

3. Rufus is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $63 per trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jerome wants to cut his 1/2 lb. of heroine to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willis gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4X4. How many Chevys will he have to steel to make $600?

6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $1,000 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of prison, and how many years will he get for killing the bitch that spent his money?

7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 8 square feet, how many letters can Rodney spray with 3 cans of paint?

8. Hector knocked up 4 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the gang has Hector knocked up?

Boy: Mom, some kid at school called me a sissy today.Mom: So what did you do?Boy: I hit him with my purse.–Submitted by TuPac