Category: school

YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO WHEN:Getting a really great parking spot can move you to tears.You know that anyone wearing shorts in June is just visiting from Ohio.A man walks on BART in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don’t notice.You curse those damn tourists – but always stop to help a cute person who is holding a city map, looking puzzled.Each time you drive under an underpass, for one moment you think ‘earthquake.’Your co-worker tells you s/he has eight body piercings – none are visible.You take the bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.The guy who cuts your hair is straight, and your plumber is gay.The woman who delivers your mail is straight, and your Mary Kay Lady is gay.Old friends you haven’t talked to in years suddenly call. ‘Do you have a spare bedroom for a weekend?’You think anyone wearing a George Clooney haircut is visiting from the Midwest.You can’t remember… Is pot still illegal?You go to your office manager’s baby shower. The parents are named Judy and Becky.You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown, and are willing to fight about it.Your boss runs in ‘The Bay to Breakers’ … it’s the first time you have seen him/her nude.Your child’s 3rd grade teacher has a nose ring and is named ‘Breeze’.You haven’t been to Fisherman’s Wharf since the first month you moved to the Bay Area.You are thinking of taking an adult education class, but you can’t decide between a Yoga, Channeling, or Building Your Web Site class.You realize the only Republicans you know are your Aunt and Uncle in Georgia.

�It was the dizziest semester of my life. I would do it again, if I could.
But my doctor says it would kill me!�
-Brad Piermont
�It was sooooo�.. quick, where�s the bathroom?�
-Sharon McCann
�I remember getting off the plane and�well, that�s about it.�
-Anonymous

Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.

Always give 100% at work…….
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

And remember …….
When you’re having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off.
Now get back to work!

A man walked up to a school and said “can you teach me to reed and write”
The administrator said, “Yes we can, just fill out this form”.

Instructions
Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin
immediately.
History
Descrive the history of the papacy from its origins to
the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively, on it social,
political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia,
America and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

Medicine
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of
Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected.
You have fifteen minutes.

Public Speaking
2500 riot-crazed aboriginies are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may
use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

Biology
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if the form
of life had developed 50 million years earlier, with special attention to its
probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

Music
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You
will find a piano under your seat.

Psychology
Based on your knowledge of their works evaluate the emotional stability,
degree of adjustment and repressed frustrations of each of the following:
Alexander of Aphrodites, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your
evaluation with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references.
It is not necessary to translate.

Sociology
Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world.
Construct an experiment to test your theory.

Engineering
The dissassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk.
You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a
hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel
appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

Economics
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible
effects of your plan in the following areas. Cubism, the Donatist controversy,
the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects.
Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the
deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in you answer to the last
question.

Political Science
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report
at length on it socio-political effects if any.

Teachers are paid too much!! I’m fed up with teachers and their hefty salaries for only 9 months work! What we need here is a little perspective. If I had my way, I’d pay teachers babysitting wages.That’s right…instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I’d give them $3.00 an hour. And, I’m only going to pay them for 5 hours, not planning time. That would be $15.00 a day. Each parent should pay $15.00 a day for these teachers to baby sit their children. Even if they have more than one child, it’s still cheaper than private daycare.Now how many children do they teach a day–maybe 20? That’s $15.00 x 20 = 300.00 a day. But remember, they only work 180 days a year! I’m not going to pay them for all the vacations: $300.00 x 180 =$54,000. (Just a minute my calculator must need batteries.)What will teachers say about those who have 10 years of experience and a master’s degree? Well, maybe (just to be fair) they could get the minimum wage. We can round that off to about $6.00 an hour, times 5 hours, times 20 children. $6.00 x 5 x 20. That’s $600 a day times 180 days. That’s only $108,000.Wait a minute…there is something wrong here…

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.120. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.

Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.

Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of dollar bills and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.
Frank is outraged by his friend’s act of generosity.

“What on earth did you do that for?” shouts Frank.
“You know he’s only going to use it on drugs or booze!!!”

Matt replies, “What…and we weren’t?”

There was a teacher who wanted to do an expierement so she went and bought a bag of life savers
The nextday she told the class that they had to close their eyes for this expierement
she gave the first kid a green lifesaver and told him to describe it.
He said ” it’s round with a hole in the middle,it’s green apple.”
the teacher said ”youre right”
she gave the next kid a red one and told him to describe it
he said ” it’s round with a hole in the middle, it’s cherry.”
the teacher said ” right”
she gave the last kid a clear one and told him to describe it and he said ” it’s round with a hole in the middle, but i dont know the flavor.”
a kid in the back raises his hand and says ” i know i know”
the teacher said ” it’s something your parents call each other”
the kid in the back says ”ass hole ass hole ”
the teach says ” no it’s honey”

At an university, a lecture about trees is in progress. The lecturer explains
that different trees produce different kinds of nuts. Some of the nuts are round
shaped, some angular in shape, some are green, some are brown etc. Only one tree
in the world has black nuts. Professor names that tree in Latin. Then Professor
notices that one female student is not listening to him, but is fully absorbed
in reading a book. He approaches her, and, pointing a finger at her, shoots a
question, “Whose nuts are black?”
Startled, the student replies, “Those of blacky.”

If there are nuts on a wall they are walnuts if there are nuts on you’re chest they are chestnuts but nuts on you’re chin aren’t chinnuts they’re a dick in you’re mouthsubmitted by lunatic