Category: school

A retiring Phys Chem professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well-kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet: “Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with proof.”
He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. There are two possible conditions:

Condition One: if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all hell breaks loose.
Conversely, Condition Two: if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from me during my first year residence. Since I have still not been successful in obtaining sexual relations with her, condition two above has not been met, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and hell is exothermic.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.1. When talking to your roommate, alternate the pitch of your voice.

Once there was a boy and the teacher told him tomorrow you have to say the abc in front of the class…the boys name was jack he was very shy so he told the teacher: teacher I cant pass infront of the class because Iam ver shy the teacher told him pass infront of the class but dont look at your classmates so you cant be shy so the boy started…a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, q, r, s, t….etc..and the teacher told him you forgot the letter p where is the letter p said the teacher and jack said its running down my leg.

Erika C. San Salvador, El Savador.

The moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every year. Do the math and you will clearly see that 85 million years ago it was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth’s surface.

This would explain the death of the dinosaurs; the tallest ones, anyway.

15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.39. Paint your half of the room black.

College Seniors vs. Freshman
Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.

Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.

Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation
class.

Freshman: Calls the professor “Teacher.”
Senior: Calls the professor “Bob.”

Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it’s more than three blocks away.

Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor’s habits to get a good grade.

Freshman: Know a book–full of useless trivia–about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.

Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop
tarts in hand.

Freshman: Has to ask where the computer labs are.
Senior: Has his ‘own’ personal workstation.

Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October…maybe.

Freshman: Looks forward to the first classes of the year.
Senior: Looks forward to the first beer garden of the year.

Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm.
Senior: Is proud of not *quite* failing his Complex Analysis midterm.

Freshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every night.
Senior: Calls Domino’s every other night.

Freshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of profs.
Senior: Is appalled that the campus Subway burnt down over the summer.

Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional
questions.
Senior: Offers to ‘tutor’ conscientious frosh of the opposite sex.

Freshman: Goes on grocery-shopping trip with Mom before moving onto campus.
Senior: Has a beer with Mom before moving into group house.

Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the
unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one’s
horizons and really make a contribution to society.
Senior: Is excited about the new dryers in the laundry room.

Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class.
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class.

Q: How many Wake Forest students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two – one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

What does a t-sip (UT grad) call an AGGIE after graduation?

BOSS!!!!!

WHOOP!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.191. Put bricks in the middle of the room, and explain to him/her that you intend to make a fireplace to save electricity.

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.”
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, “Okay, now concentrate… what is two plus two?”

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, “4?”

“Did you say 4?!?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on coach, give him another chance!”

OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE?

Once upon a time, an American company and a Japanese company decided to have competitive boat race on the Bear River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they both felt as ready as they could be.

The Japanese won by a mile! Afterwards the American Team became very discouraged by the losses and morale began to sag. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A The “Continuous Improvement Team” was established to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.

THEIR CONCLUSION: The problem was that the Japanese Team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereby the American Team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and millions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that too many people were steering and not were rowing.

To prevent losing to the Japanese again, the American Team’s management structure was totally reorganized to three Steering Director, three Steering Managers, and two Steering Supervisors. Also a new performance system for the person rowing the boat was developed to give more incentive to work harder.

“We must give him empowerment and enrichment. That ought to do it.”

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower to “cut costs, sold all of the paddles, canceled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, gave a “Superior Performance” award to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.