Category: school

Question: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?
Answer: Because he was trying to see if his son was in his class.

Nowe u two can rite gud!

Howe two rite gud
Frank L. Visco
Vice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising.
My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:

Avoid alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren’t necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don’t be redundant; don’t more use words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
Profanity sucks dick.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
One-word sentences? Never.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Be careful to use apostrophe’s correctly.
Do not use them pronouns as modifiers.
And never start a sentence with a conjunction.

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing.” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”

10 Differences Between School and Hell

1>It doesn’t rain in Hell.

2>Everyone has heard of Hell.

3>It’s more fun getting into Hell.

4>You can’t fail out of Hell.

5>At least you can sleep in Hell.

6>Hell is forever. School just seems like it.

7>People smile in Hell.

8>You only have to sell your soul to get into Hell.

9>You know there are hot women in Hell.

10>You wouldn’t tell a friend to go to school.

The teacher was warning the class about the dangers of going to in cold
weather insufficiently clad. �There was one a boy,� he said, �who was so eager
to go out and play with his sled that he didn�t put a coat or scarf on; he
caught a chill, the chill led to pneumonia and he died!�

The teacher paused to allow the moral of this story to sink in, when a small
voice said, �What happened to the sled �.?�

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen:

“Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer.”

One student replied:

“You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building.”

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn’t make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

“Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.

“Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper’s shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work uut the height of the skyscraper.

“But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqrroot (l/g).

“Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up.

“If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.

But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor’s door and say to him ‘If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper’.”

The student was Nils Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics.

Teacher to a student: “Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?”
“Yes, sir! I’d put all the men on one island and the women on another.”
“And what would they be doing then?”
“Building boats!”

Q. Where is the biggest pencil in the world found?
A. In Pennslyvania(pencil vania)HA HA HA!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.111. Punch a hole in the T.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the poor picture quality.

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude.

But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. “It’s a period,” reported Johnnie.

“Well I can see that,” she said. “But what is so exciting about a period.”

“Damned if I know,” said Johnnie, “but this morning my sister said she missed one….

Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the guy next door shot himself!”

A Boy came back from school and met his mother, the mother have to call him to join him in eating. On the food, they had two meat and both were at the each end,After they had finished eating having the meat left in the plate. Since one of the meat is bigger than the other, all the boy wants to do is to get the bigger one, He then trickishly rotate the plate by saying “Our Geography teacher said, The earth use to rotate in this direction” When the mother saw this she also shifted the plate by saying “My GrandFather told me that the earth to rotate in this direct.The Mother then picked up the bigger meat and swallow.

Once upon a time there was a young man called harder harder he was trying out sex with a girl she said,”harder harder” the bums came in the room and then said, “harder harder.”