Category: school

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought he’d better do something. He spoke to all the girls that wore lipstick and asked them to meet him in the ladies room at 2pm.

When they arrived they found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies would better understand the problem if they saw how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a berdaggled brush on a long handle out of a box. He dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

What do you call ten Utah State law students standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

“now class say your abcs okay?”said mrs.jewls
little jimmy raises his hand
“yes jimmy?”asked mrs.jewls
“can i please go to the bathroom?”jimmy answered
” not untill u say your abcs”
“okay” said jimmy standing acwardly
” a-b-c-d-e-f-e-f-g-h-i-j-k-m-n-o…q-r-s-t-u-v-w-x-y-z”jimmy finished as he dartedfor the door
” wait were is the p?”asked mrs.jewls
” running down my pants” jimmy nervously stated as a yellow puddle formed

what did the maths teacher do when he got constapation ?
worked it out with a pencil

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.80. Eat moths.

whare do tadpolls go when they loose thers

Good, Bad, Ugly….Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.Bad: You can’t find your birth control pills.Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.Ugly: You’re in them.Good: Your husband understands fashion.Bad: He’s a cross-dresser.Ugly: He looks better than you.Good: Your son’s finally maturing.Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door.Ugly: So are you.Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter.Bad: She keeps interrupting.Ugly: With corrections.Good: Your wife’s not talking to you.Bad: She wants a divorce.Ugly: She’s a lawyer.Good: The postman’s early.Bad: He’s wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47.Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.Good: Your daughter got a new job.Bad: As a hooker.Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do.Good: You’re son is dating someone new.Bad: It’s another man.Ugly: He’s you’re best friend.Good: You’re wife is pregnant.Bad: It’s triplets.Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: “You are going to meet a beautiful
young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” he croaks.

“No,” says the psychic, “in biology class.”

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an
island in the middle of the lake, which the kingdoms had been fighting over for
years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out
to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before the battle,
the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight.

The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of
whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second
kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp
was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was
only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from
a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the
knight polished his own armor.
When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to
fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle
raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from
the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus
proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the
squares of the other two sides.

The number of floppies it will ship on.

The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.

The number of megabytes of hard disk space required.

The number of pages in the “EASY INSTALL” version of the manual.

The percentage of existing programs that won’t run in the new version.

The number of minutes to install.

The number of calls to tech support before you can get it to run.

The number of people who will actually pay for the upgrade.

The number of MHz required for the operating system to run.

The year it was due to ship.

The 98 stands for average CPH : Crash Per Hour.

Bill Gates’ age when it ships.

The number of days until Gates tries to sell you a newer OS.

The required number of megabytes of RAM to run at usable speed.

The percentage that will be complete on the shipping date.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.181. When your roommate has friends over, get under your covers and stare at them through a little hole in the covers. Use a telescope.

10. You can usually find someone to do it with.

9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.

8. You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame.

7. When you open a book, you don’t have to worry about who else has opened it.

6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.

5. If you don’t finish a chapter you won’t gain a reputation as a “book teaser”

4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.

3. You don’t get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.

2. You don’t have to put your beer down to do it.

1. If you aren’t sure what you’re doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!